So I was searching for the end of the internet and came across a great blog.
http://gothlaw.blogspot.com/2009/12/admit-it-canada-yall-are-rednecks-too.html
I was inspired by this guys rant about the rednecks of Canada. Everywhere you go there are Rednecks, but I think Alberta would win in a redneck contest.
We have cows, oil, trucks, and that accent... AL-BURRR-DA. That is how most people say it.
Here are some examples of Alberta redneckery.
If any of these sounds like you... you might be an AB REDNECK!
1: YOU OWN A FORD F150, F250 F350 OR F450
(Or really any truck for that matter)
Now that's a purdy truck.
We are the land of Ford F-150's, that's what my husband drives to his trade job. So many guys here work in the trades and you can't pack your tools in a prius. I love our truck, and nothing beats going camping with a truck, throw all your shit in the box and use it as a booze and sandwich bar once we set up camp! Around town I prefer to drive my little zippy pontiac, the shitbox express, but nothing like riding with a big handsome man behind the wheel of a big sexy truck.
2: You have, had, or want a mullet, male or female.
Yessiree.
I googled Millet, Alberta- (a town I passed through last summer after getting lost on the highway), and this guy popped up! In my brief stay while gassing up I saw some of the most redneckedness small town Alberta trash has to offer. I wish I could say I took this picture while in Millet, and I was just kidding when I said that I found this under a google search for Millet, but I didn't find anything like what I saw. They have kept their mullety rednecks off the net... for now, till I come back to town with my camera.
3: You listen to this guy.
Oh Ian Tyson, the homegrown country boy. Every single redneck country music loving Albertan LOVVESS them some Tyson. All the country ladies who are in their 40's and rocking to him for years think he's their cowboy dream.
Now I don't know one single Ian Tyson song. Does this make me a bad Albertan?
The one guy I have to admit I kinda dig is Mr. Shane Yellowbird, another Alberta country boy.
http://youtu.be/PqcKbGC4T1s
"Me and my truck like to hit the streets, see how many pretty girls we can meet after 2 am... on the weekend"
My answer to that is... probably meet a few ladies... but you aint gonna be taking those ladies home to mama in that truck....
4: You own a quad and your kids do too.
So I will also admit to enjoying these things, they are fast, powerful, and soooo Albertan. Now if you want to endanger yourself on one of these and rip up our beautiful Alberta environment go ahead, but please, please do not put your precious babies on one of these! I couldn't believe, one summer, Matt and I went camping with some friends at the Brazeau Resevoir, and the whole place was full of Rednecks on fucking quads, and two year olds on these things. Sick! Do these people realize they are placing their spawn in harms way? Obviously not. One time Matt and I were riding one and it tipped backwards and almost fell on me. If it had I would have been seriously injured, or killed. If you are a quad rider, you know these things are fun but soooo dangerous. If you own one, you are definitely super Albertan, and if you bought one for your kids you are an Albertan Redneck for sure.
5:If you live in Westlock, it is your duty to be as redneck as humanly possible.
That is all.
This exists.
6 : If you have a confederate flag on your truck, a blanket, or a flag in your front window, you are definitely an AB redneck, and an idiot too.
Someone please explain to me why some Albertans proudly display this flag on their porches, trucks and windows. I thought that was an American war. Unless you are from the deep south and your grandfather fought in that war, you can't display that flag, you look stupid. One thing is for sure- you are FOR SURE a redneck, maybe not an Alberta redneck but a redneck in Alberta.
7: If you have tubed down the Pembina River with a 40 in hand.
I am proud to say I have done this. You are not a real Alberta redneck till you buy a raft and get on that river with a bottle of whisky. (In my case it was vodka.)
This is the kind of thing that you can't really do and have fun without alcohol. In the summer people raft down this river drunk as skunks, yelling WHOOOOO and wearing oakleys. It's one of those things, booze makes it into a fun activity. Only thing is make sure you wear sunscreen or you'll not only be a redneck you'll look like one too.
8: If you've ever said "COWBOY UP!" You are obviously a huge AB Redneck.
9: Your idea of a luxury vacation is a trip to Cypress Hills Alberta to kill a wild turkey, set up camp in the hills, cook that turkey, crack into the beer, burn shit, and blast death metal out of your Ford F-150 you are certainly a serious AB redneck.
(Hey wait, that's me!)
So there you go folks, if you can identify with any of the above you are probably an Alberta Redneck. I will have to point out it is fairly obvious that my husband and I are Alberta Rednecks, and proud ones at that. We have our own special brand of redneckery here, and I wouldn't change it for the world. I am a proud Albertan and don't plan on ever leaving my beloved province.
COWBOY UP!
-E.
http://gothlaw.blogspot.com/2009/12/admit-it-canada-yall-are-rednecks-too.html
I was inspired by this guys rant about the rednecks of Canada. Everywhere you go there are Rednecks, but I think Alberta would win in a redneck contest.
We have cows, oil, trucks, and that accent... AL-BURRR-DA. That is how most people say it.
Here are some examples of Alberta redneckery.
If any of these sounds like you... you might be an AB REDNECK!
1: YOU OWN A FORD F150, F250 F350 OR F450
(Or really any truck for that matter)
Now that's a purdy truck.
We are the land of Ford F-150's, that's what my husband drives to his trade job. So many guys here work in the trades and you can't pack your tools in a prius. I love our truck, and nothing beats going camping with a truck, throw all your shit in the box and use it as a booze and sandwich bar once we set up camp! Around town I prefer to drive my little zippy pontiac, the shitbox express, but nothing like riding with a big handsome man behind the wheel of a big sexy truck.
2: You have, had, or want a mullet, male or female.
Yessiree.
I googled Millet, Alberta- (a town I passed through last summer after getting lost on the highway), and this guy popped up! In my brief stay while gassing up I saw some of the most redneckedness small town Alberta trash has to offer. I wish I could say I took this picture while in Millet, and I was just kidding when I said that I found this under a google search for Millet, but I didn't find anything like what I saw. They have kept their mullety rednecks off the net... for now, till I come back to town with my camera.
3: You listen to this guy.
Oh Ian Tyson, the homegrown country boy. Every single redneck country music loving Albertan LOVVESS them some Tyson. All the country ladies who are in their 40's and rocking to him for years think he's their cowboy dream.
Now I don't know one single Ian Tyson song. Does this make me a bad Albertan?
The one guy I have to admit I kinda dig is Mr. Shane Yellowbird, another Alberta country boy.
http://youtu.be/PqcKbGC4T1s
"Me and my truck like to hit the streets, see how many pretty girls we can meet after 2 am... on the weekend"
My answer to that is... probably meet a few ladies... but you aint gonna be taking those ladies home to mama in that truck....
4: You own a quad and your kids do too.
So I will also admit to enjoying these things, they are fast, powerful, and soooo Albertan. Now if you want to endanger yourself on one of these and rip up our beautiful Alberta environment go ahead, but please, please do not put your precious babies on one of these! I couldn't believe, one summer, Matt and I went camping with some friends at the Brazeau Resevoir, and the whole place was full of Rednecks on fucking quads, and two year olds on these things. Sick! Do these people realize they are placing their spawn in harms way? Obviously not. One time Matt and I were riding one and it tipped backwards and almost fell on me. If it had I would have been seriously injured, or killed. If you are a quad rider, you know these things are fun but soooo dangerous. If you own one, you are definitely super Albertan, and if you bought one for your kids you are an Albertan Redneck for sure.
5:If you live in Westlock, it is your duty to be as redneck as humanly possible.
That is all.
This exists.
6 : If you have a confederate flag on your truck, a blanket, or a flag in your front window, you are definitely an AB redneck, and an idiot too.
Someone please explain to me why some Albertans proudly display this flag on their porches, trucks and windows. I thought that was an American war. Unless you are from the deep south and your grandfather fought in that war, you can't display that flag, you look stupid. One thing is for sure- you are FOR SURE a redneck, maybe not an Alberta redneck but a redneck in Alberta.
7: If you have tubed down the Pembina River with a 40 in hand.
I am proud to say I have done this. You are not a real Alberta redneck till you buy a raft and get on that river with a bottle of whisky. (In my case it was vodka.)
This is the kind of thing that you can't really do and have fun without alcohol. In the summer people raft down this river drunk as skunks, yelling WHOOOOO and wearing oakleys. It's one of those things, booze makes it into a fun activity. Only thing is make sure you wear sunscreen or you'll not only be a redneck you'll look like one too.
8: If you've ever said "COWBOY UP!" You are obviously a huge AB Redneck.
9: Your idea of a luxury vacation is a trip to Cypress Hills Alberta to kill a wild turkey, set up camp in the hills, cook that turkey, crack into the beer, burn shit, and blast death metal out of your Ford F-150 you are certainly a serious AB redneck.
(Hey wait, that's me!)
So there you go folks, if you can identify with any of the above you are probably an Alberta Redneck. I will have to point out it is fairly obvious that my husband and I are Alberta Rednecks, and proud ones at that. We have our own special brand of redneckery here, and I wouldn't change it for the world. I am a proud Albertan and don't plan on ever leaving my beloved province.
COWBOY UP!
-E.
2 comments:
are you sure you weren't talking about pennsylvania?
Hahaha! Yeah, they are everywhere!!!
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