My Dark Mistress

Let me begin this post by making a confession:

I have been smoking.

I quit last year around this time, when I was having surgery and treatment for melanoma.

 I used Champix to help me quit which was great cause it took away my desire to smoke.

Once I was in chemo I was totally disgusted by my old habit, watching other cancer patients smoke made me nauseous- I didn't get why I smoked for so long.

I broke my six month smoke free by smoking on my wedding day. That was the beginning of the slippery slope of smoking.

I managed to smoke "socially" for a while, lighting up during my Brothers wedding October 1st and then again at KT'S Halloween wedding, and again during Christmas party season. It didn't help that everyone I know smokes and we have all smoked together for years. I kept telling myself that when the holidays were over I would kick it again. That hasn't happened. In fact my habit has picked up speed, I am smoking quite regularly. I am still not up to what I used to smoke, which was usually a little more than half a pack a day, I am more like a 2-4 cigarette a day kinda girl.

 Now I know you are saying, "C'mon Erin, that's not so bad! You can do it!"

Well don't.

Please don't say it.

Of course I can do it. It's just I don't want to do it.

I LOVE SMOKING.

Smoking is a part of every activity, and it is an activity. Matt used smoking to court me, in the back of the dirty commercial hotel smoke pit. He saw that I was going out there and he asked me to come smoke with him. Of course I said sure. Smokers live the smoker lifestyle and meet many people that way. We enjoy being filthy, together, because when your friends do it, it makes it ok for you to do it too.

So as I type I am fighting the urge to get in my car and go buy a pack of players smooth. 

I have decided today that's it, I gotta stop. I have been eating non stop all day.

I went to the grocery store and bought myself cupcakes that will be non existent by nine thirty this evening I am quite certain.

I am not even hungry but I need to stuff things in my mouth.

All of you pray to Lucifer for my soon to be very fat ass.

So the next few days I may be a little bitchy but I promise I will stop smoking.
(If you know my mom, please don't tell her about this relapse, she would be very disappointed.)
She does read this blog from time to time so it's always possible she will read this anyways....

All this talk about smoking has me jonesin' and thinking fondly about my old friend.

Here are a few of my smoking "idols"

Audrey Hepburn
 I never could completely enjoy a cigarette with a long holder like this one, and I found that they would fall right out of it, but this woman sure made it look like a fancy thing to do.

James Dean
 GAH. This beautiful man inspired me to light up at a young age just because of how cool he looked with a smoke hanging out of his mouth. The pompadour helps, but snap, he was such a rebel without a cause.

Winona Ryder
Growing up in the 90's I was inspired to smoke by actresses like Winona. Reality bites was a huge factor in my smoking. They way she holds a cigarette and talks with a cloud of smoke all around her is enough for me to light one up.

Uma Thurman
If you managed to make it through the 90's watching movies like Pulp Fiction and didn't end up smoking, GOOD FOR YOU.
I didn't.
The coolness was to hard to stay away from, and at 13 and 14 years old I was cultivating my "cool" alter ego, thanks to 90's movies, I started smoking full time.

So there you go folks, I admit that I have a weakness.
Hard to believe, I know.
I will keep you all posted on my struggle to beat this sexy demon, and regain control of my own life.
I need a cupcake in my face right now.

K that's better.

On to other news, I went down to Nightshade Corsets the other day to use the gift certificate my hubby bought me for Xmas!

SO PRETTY.
Lovin' this under bust in black satin. I would put in on and model it but lacing up this one is quite the ordeal and I am in my couch clothes. But no worries there will be pics after this:

https://www.facebook.com/events/205388332891498/

FRIDAY.
My buddy face Jess is walking in the show, I suspect because she is a smokeshow and can rock a corset, and I'll admit I am jealous of her hotness, but I will be there cheering her on.
I have my bud Miss Melissa McCallum coming over to get primed and lace me up for the show.
Should be a time. Pics will follow.

I am going to get back to stuffing my face with cupcakes and watching "To catch a predator."
There are some sick motherfuckers on this one.

-E.