Doctors are nuts, tanning beds kill

Hello world.

I just had my interferon shot and while I wait for my side effects to kick in as payment for my night off on Friday, I will blab at the world (or anyone who cares enough to read this.)

When I skip a shot, my next shot usually kicks my lily white ass. Tylenol is the only thing that fights the side effects, I load up but sometimes it doesn't matter. Oncologists call it "acetaminophen therapy"- just another thing to throw at my already over loaded liver- which taking a beating like a fucking champion I must say. If anyone deserves a trophy at the end of this it is my liver, it is made of steel apparently. 

Fuckin' eh.

Tomorrow I have yet another dermatologist appointment, with the fact that I've already had melanoma once I get paranoid because I am COVERED in moles, and I obsess over a few of them, and a few months back I had a pre-cancerous mole on my ankle, and I rushed in to have it punched out. My derm is a very strange man, he has a weird nerdy accent, and a poor bedside manner.

Whenever I see him he busts in the door like Kramer from Seinfeld.

Once he told me:

"Erin, you have a very serious disease that could kill you in five years. One out of three will be dead in five years of stage three melanoma. Do you understand that?"

I am taken aback by this comment, but I nod wide eyed, and terrified. Then he goes:

"So, when are you going to book me one of your vaults (at Ruth's Chris) ? I need a good buttery steak!"

I'm like, ok, here's my card, and he runs out of the room like his pants are on fire, telling me to make a follow up for three months.

I put on my clothes and get the fuck out of there.

After the crazy derm I go see my lovely nurse Colleen at the CCI to get poked and pick up more anti-puke pills and Intron-a needles. YAY! They have to give me blood tests every four weeks to make sure my organs are still working, and not completely shrivelled up and toxic!

I was only toxic once at the beginning of my treatment, on my second week of intense daily chemo, I started to feel like I was dying. I had zero energy, felt so sick, didn't want to eat or drink anything, and had a constant metallic taste in my mouth, I was ready to jump off the highlevel bridge. I felt like something had to be wrong, worse than just chemo side effects. So I go see my oncologist for my weekly testing and he stops treatment right away. I had no immune system left and my liver was toxic. I was like- ok so I am not crazy, I am actually dying!

I had a week off then they resumed me at half the dose. During that week I went back and forth about finishing treatment, I decided I was going to quit and go back to my normal life. 

When I heard my mothers voice when I told her, and the look on my husbands face, I started to think that, ok, maybe I can do this for them. 

Now I am 8 weeks away from being finished this shit.

I urge all of you who read this to spread the word about tanning beds. They is nothing healthy about tanning. For every four sessions your risk for melanoma increases by ten percent. EVERY FOUR SESSIONS. Did you also know that if you have had a family member suffer melanoma you have a 50% chance of having it too. Scary hey? 

Anyways, just some facts to think about. You are playing with a gun that is full of bullets, and you don't know when you are going to get one. If you think it can't happen to you, you are just like me and all the cancer patients in the CCI. Not one of those people thought that their habits would catch up to them... or maybe some knew the risk but still smoked, tanned, drank too much... whatever. Your body isn't your playground. Everything you do to it will show in your health later. Good or bad.

I know how hard it is to be good to your body sometimes, especially with all the designer cupcake stores opening up around town, and all my friends smoke the sexy beast, and there are so many good parties to go to, there are temptations everywhere. Being bad just feels so good, I feel like to indulge is to really live. I live for rich food, wine, tequila and cigarettes, what can I say? 

Thinking about using tanning beds now makes me sick. I can't believe I bought the whole tanning is healthy bullshit and really only have myself to blame for my 15 months of hell. Please please please I beg all people who use tanning beds to STOP NOW, before you have to spend your week seeing doctors who tell you that you could die soon. It's not worth the "benefits."

A lot of people say to me that it helps with their excema. Their acne. To those people I say- "once you are on interferon for skin cancer, you'll have the worst excema you've ever had. It will burn and itch and keep you up at night. It is the itchiest hell. Go get some steroid cream from your doctor. Tanning isn't going to be worth it. 

Ok, I will end this rant with this: TANNING BEDS KILL.

(and doctors are nuts.)

That is all.

In other news, I started having fun with beads recently, and last night I made a rosary with the cross I bought at the cabaret the other day. Check it out!

I so enjoy making necklaces. I think this year I will be making lots of necklaces as presents.

Now check this out and go to bed you guys!

http://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/who-is-paul-mccartney

-E.