I am gonna use this blog as my diary today.
Ok so I had a good day at work, cause I never think about smoking there. I keep myself busy typing and printing and during the day I rarely think of smoking.
Then as I am leaving for the day a raging Interferon back ache starts up.
These beasts are difficult to describe. When I first started my treatment I didn't get them and then about 6 months in I started to get this intense back pain that radiates up and down my spine and into the muscles in my back all the way into my chest. The pain was so horrific for a couple of weeks straight, I took 100 t3's and countless Advil. I was completely out of my mind from the interferon, I was very anxious and almost delusional. I started seeing my symptoms as sure signs the cancer had returned, and I had convinced myself I was dying.
So I go to the doctor, and I am a mess crying on my husband's shoulder. My nurse Colleen (who rules by the way) comes up and says "Oh no Erin, why are you crying?" I tell her I am having horrible back pains and she goes- "How's the Paxil going?"
I say I am not on Paxil.
She goes HMMMM...
That will have to change.
Once I see my doctor, he writes me a prescription for some crazy pills and checks my back.
"I don't feel anything"
he says.
Which pretty much means he doesn't feel a tumor in my back.
"It's most likely caused by the Interferon."
"It's most likely caused by the Interferon."
(Like I said in a previous post, oncologists take care of cancer, nothing else.)
"So that's that and take more tylenol. See you in a month."
Well that pain is back. It's not quite like the stabbing pain it was a few months ago, but it's starting. Hopefully it doesn't get much worse than this, or I am going to be requesting some harder drugs from my doc. It is an intense flu-ish aching, pulsing in my spine and back. Right now it's mostly on my shoulder blades.
GAH!
Sorry to be such a crybaby, usually I would just suffer in silence cause no one wants to listen to someone go whaaa whaaa whaaa poor me, but since this is MY blog you all have to listen to my misery.
So since my day started sucking I lost my control and broke down and had a smoke.
I know, I screwed up. I am ashamed and disgusted with myself.
First thing that happened was my headache went away, then I felt that calm wave of smokey deliciousness, then feelings of guilt and shame washed over me, then I put it out and sat down and then I wanted another one. It is a good thing I don't have any cause I would chain smoke if given a deck.
SO! FAIL!
Now you're saying
"YOU CAN DO IT!"
I say
Shutup.
I'm sorry, I know I can do it, but like I said in my last entry I don't want to quit.
That is a huge part of the problem.
I know what I should do, it's just I don't have enough will power and motivation to do it.
Blah blah blah ok I need a cupcake...
Onwards!
Onwards!
Here's some good news about the fight against tanning beds!
New South Wales, Australia has banned all artificial tanning, to begin in 2014.
Solariums banned across NSW
Updated
The New South Wales Government has become the first in the country to announce it is banning all solariums.
The Cancer Council has been lobbying for solariums to be banned for years, arguing that anyone who first used a tanning bed before they turned 35 has doubled their risk of developing melanoma.
The campaign gained momentum after death of Melbourne woman Clare Oliver from skin cancer in 2007.
Now NSW Environment Minister Robyn Parker says the Government has agreed to ban tanning beds from 2014.
"It is a number one carcinogen. It's equivalent to asbestos," she said.
Greens MP John Kaye has welcomed the ban but says it should be immediate.
"Waiting around for waiting around for three years means about 43 people we estimate will die needlessly," he said.
Ms Parker says the 2014 deadline was chosen to give tanning businesses a chance to diversify
Cancer Council chief executive Dr Andrew Penman says despite the delay, the ban will still be effective.
"I think the effect of today's announcement will be to send out a very strong message to the industry," he said.
"I suspect the industry will start dismantling its capacity ahead of 2014 and I'm sure that people who potentially are users of these centres will really prick up their ears and understand the seriousness of the exposure they've subjected themselves to."
-ABC NEWS
2/3/2012
Pretty great that they are completely outlawing tanning beds all together. I am all about the fight to ban teenagers from tanning beds, but I didn't start till I was 18 and from then till I was 23 I managed to damage my skin enough to have melanoma 4 years later, banning kids is one thing but I believe they should be illegal for everyone. It's crazy how many people do it and justify it by thinking the benefits outweigh the risk, these people are just fooling themselves.
The chances are greater that they will have melanoma than not.
Here's what's going on with the Teen Tanning Debate here in Canada:
Bezan Denounces Tanning Beds in Honour of World Cancer Day
2/3/2012
Ottawa, ON- In honour of World Cancer Day, James Bezan MP delivered a tough statement in the House of Commons on the hazards of artificial tanning equipment.
“Studies have shown that using tanning beds at a young age increases the risk of skin cancer by 75%,” stated Bezan. He continued by stating that “The World Health Organization has moved tanning beds to the highest cancer risk category: ‘Carcinogenic to humans.’”
MP Bezan used the opportunity to raise awareness for the alarming rate of Canadians who are diagnosed with skin cancer every year. Bezan provided the unsettling statistic that 5,500 Canadians are diagnosed with melanoma annually, and 950 will die from it and 74,000 cases of non-melanoma skin cancers are expected annually of which 270 Canadians will die.
In December, Mr. Bezan tabled a Private Members Bill that tackles the health risks associated with tanning beds and their links to skin cancer. To build support for the legislation that imposes hard hitting restrictions on the tanning industry, Mr. Bezan took the opportunity to call on all Parliamentarians to support this important piece of legislation.
MP Bezan’s Private Members Bill (Bill C-386) will prohibit anyone under 18 years of age from using tanning beds. Furthermore, this piece of legislation requires that radiation warning labels on tanning beds explicitly state that tanning equipment can cause cancer and may be carcinogenic. In addition to having warning labels affixed to the tanning equipment this bill will require that large warning labels also be placed in all commercial establishment providing artificial tanning equipment.
Bezan also offered some words of advice for all those soaking up the sun on vacations this time of year.
“To escape the winter, many Canadians are heading south to sunny destinations. I urge them to protect their skin, their body’s biggest organ. Stay in the shade when you’re outdoors, cover-up and use sun screen” urged Bezan. “Many Canadians will also crawl into Tanning Beds to get their base tans. I cannot stress how harmful this equipment is.”
So that's that my lovelies, thank you for reading. The chances that I will be eating cupcakes tonight is very high.
There will be more this week... maybe even a top ten list.
-E.
1 comment:
cupcakes are a great cure for misery. or the QUART of chocolate haagen dazs i just ate...
i hope you're feeling better soon! <3
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