Keepers of Hearts Beware

This is going to be a different kind of entry than you're used to, because usually I like to entertain you and give you ridiculous homemade recipes with sketchy and vague instructions, poking fun at myself and showing off my material purchases and sharing silly adventures with y'all. Of course I complain openly as well, but in this case, I can't be as open as I'd like to, or at least I won't be.

Over the last few days a small issue between a friend and I has somehow turned into a huge debacle.

I'm not going to go on like, 
"She was the bitch, she's crazy, she's wrong."

IT is what IT is. 

I told her I was sorry and never intended to hurt or embarrass her, sincerely.

Apparantly that wasn't enough.

I know her part, I was there five days ago having the same conversation with me letting go a fight and saying:

*sorry*

I didn't know what else to say.

I told her I it's not like I did something I knew would hurt her or intentionally embarrass her.

I also told her I was sorry that it bothered her so, and that she could have just told me earlier.

I'm a pothead, I'm cool man.


I live my life straight up, no guff, just honestly.


Getting that honest opinion out helps SOOO MUCH!


Stewing only creates more resentment.

I just go with the flow, and my friends and loved ones are number one.

I dunno.

Anyways, there was no acceptance of my apology and days later (today) I went to meet her, thinking that was us being big girls and letting things go, why? 


BECAUSE LIFE IS WAYYYY TO SHORT TO BE MAD AT PEOPLE YOU LOVE, OK, PEOPLE????

Well I went to meet and hug and throw away the bad vibes, un-armed, and was met with more of a trial than anything else. An entire re-hashing of every syllable texted or emailed- printed out with highlights, like a case for the supreme court.


Of course I was taken a back, I thought this was I'M SORRY LETS STOP BEING MAD...


Nope.

I felt like someone was coming to hammer nails into my wrists and ankles and put me on the cross, and here was my trial, that I was to lose then lose my life.

A sincere apology, but also reality, expressing to this person that may I not completely understand her view, parts of it, not all of it, but that's ok. She clearly didn't understand me and my intentions and as long as our CLEAR INTENTIONS were on the the table after 5 days of not speaking/passive aggressive behaviours, I'd say we're not 9, we're 29, lets throw it away and burn it in a fire somewhere.

It is ok to NEVER UNDERSTAND SOMEONE''S POINT OF VIEW

BUT-

IT IS ONLY RIGHT TO RESPECT IT.

I RESPECT OTHERS POINT OF VIEW REGARDLESS.

I DIDN'T USED TO, BUT THAT IS ONE THING THAT HAS CHANGED DRAMATICALLY FOR ME IN THESE LAST 16 MONTHS.


PETTY THINGS MEAN NOTHING IN THE END, IN THE REAL LIFE YOU ARE GETTING TO LIVE. 


IF YOU ARE LUCKY, A FULL AND LONG LIFE.

NOT A GIVEN.

SOMETHING- NOT ALL GET TO LIVE- A CAREFREE, COMFORT AND FRIEND FILLED LIFE.

THIS MUST ALL BE IN CAPITALS.

CAPS LOCK TECHNICALLY.

I EXPECT THE SAME- RESPECT FOR MY DIFFERENT OPINION.

That's all.

All I can say is I want to have people to love and people can love me back, why, because I want to enjoy my life and get the most out of everyday. I know it's not given that I will get to enjoy a full life with everything, RRSP'S cashed out watching my Grandchildren play at a dirty leech filled lake while I sip a Martini out of half a two litre in a Bizzare outfit at noon- an outfit with multiple shades of periwinkle and purple, perhaps some paisley print gloves , making everyone strange sandwiches including avocado and shrimp, with peaches and kettle chips and pink lemonade, and encouraging my 15 year old grandson/daughter to take a toke of the sacred herb, cron. To join in the worship.

I'll probably be wearing some awesome old school cowboy boots meant to be worn in a Pantera/ Cowboys from Hell kinda way and a hat with a overly broad brim, or just a long scarf,  Elton John sunglasses and a Petrine cross hanging low with strange beads adorning my chest, my tattoos showing and young Grandchildren asking me Grand One- ( as I intend to name myself once I am a grandmother)  why do you have that weird picture on your leg Grand-one?


 I will tell them about how the pain of the needle and the release of the beauty of the art into my skin made all my tears melt away forever.

This is my dream, and I do live NOW everyday not afraid of getting old and want my friends to getting old with me, but staying together no matter the tornadoes, tempests, outright disasters and who-the-fuck-knows-what.




All I ask of my friends is to understand me, my sense of humor and that
 I NEVER MEAN ANY HARM.


I want all my friends to know that I would never judge or make them feel bad, and if I do somehow I am SINCERELY HURT MYSELF that I would do something to unintentionally hurt someone I consider a friend. 


Really when it comes to insults, I insult myself and total idiots, not my loves.


All I want is friends/loves/family WHATEVER to EXIST for me to love and admire, and grace me with their presence, perhaps their laughter, maybe more I always hope. That's all. 

If they want to love me back then that's just a BONUS.

(Anger and Pettiness can get fucked with a large pitchfork, American Gothic Style.
YEAH! THAT WAS GRAPHIC!!!!)




<3


If friends and loves want to love me back and join in the madness and fun that is Erin combined with YOU then now we are together weathering cosmic storms, finding pots of gold at the ends of double rainbows, doing strange and unothordox activities together, laughing, sharing the keys to the boneyard
and never sweating the small stuff.


WHY?


Because you never know if you will have a full, satisfying life.


Be satisfied everyday, and hold all dear.


A full life is a privilege, not a right.


Remember everyday what/who is important.


-E.