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Monday 12 March 2012

Eat the rich and listen to me bitch

Before I start in with some complaining, check this out, now I could get into this.


They say music is the food of love
Let's see if you're hungry enough
Take a bite, take another, just like a good boy would
Get a sweet thing on the side
Home cooking, homicide
Side order could be your daughter, Finger lickin' good

Come on baby, eat the rich
Put the bite on that son of a bitch
Don't mess around, don't you give me no switch
C'mon baby, eat the rich
C'mon baby eat the rich



So anyways, the bitching. I can't shake this shitty feeling. I am dizzy, nauseous, and have very little appetite. I have a general pain from head to toe, and now my lymphedema is manifesting symptoms again, but not like huge amounts of swelling, but a deep achey feeling. For those of you who don't know what lymphedema is, it is a side effect of lymph node removal where the fluid that used to pool in those nodes pools in your tissues of the extremity that those nodes were removed from. So for me it's my right leg and most noticeably, my foot.


Last year for 2 months after my surgery my foot was so swollen I looked like I weighed 400 pounds just by my foot. Drinking liquids of any kind made it worse but alcohol made it unbearably swollen and hard to walk. Don't miss those days. 


Nowadays it's just a little bigger than my other foot, and if I drink it flares up and gets fat, but it's not as painful as it first was. 


It's weird because I have pain all over that leg, on the top of my foot, in my ankle and calf. I went for a jog yesterday and felt a huge difference in how I run and how my calf feels when the muscle is pumping. I imagine this is permanent, but who knows. You just adapt and move on, learn to live with it.


This week I'm annoyed with all of it. So fucking done with this drug. 12 more shots to go, OMG.


One month till I am finished but it seems SO FAR AWAY. Everytime I take that shot I feel like my body is getting angrier and angrier and it is punishing me for this. The dry skin is driving me batty, and it's gotten so bad that it burns to take a warm shower, and when I come out I am covered in red. The water makes me scratch the shit out of my poor broken skin. As a result, I take less showers, and I LOVE SCALDING HOT SHOWERS.
 I will not miss this. 


With the way I feel now it's hard to remember what real "normal" feels like it has been so long. This morning I woke up feeling shitty and tired and thought maybe I wouldn't go into work, but five minutes go by and I have some water and I am ready to go.


Then I am driving to work and start feeling nauseous a block away. By the time I got there I felt ok, but I am left with this lingering shittiness.


Basically I do things that don't help all the time, and I can admit that having that latte is not the smartest thing to do, but I can't resist it. I love my espresso and milk, like I need one everyday. Last year I got off caffeine completely until about the end of summer, and still gotta have my coffee but I definitely pay for it after.


The real trick to feeling ok with interferon is WATER and lots and lots and lots of it.
I feel like I have spent the better part of this year searching for water, drinking water, needing water... I get so thirsty in the shower I drink the warm water. It's crazy.


You'll be SO TIRED of WATER that you'll drink anything else, and then get sick of it. 
I got sick of Crystal Light last year and now I can't even look at it. 
I drank so much of it trying to cover up the constant taste of rusty pipe I had in my mouth.


Lucky for everyone that rusty taste only lasted about 6 weeks, and once it was gone I rejoiced and was able to eat a lot more again.


I am so done with H2O but I need lots of it. Sometimes it tastes good and other times I just drink out of necessity. 


So lots of water=lots of peeing.
I can't go too far from a bathroom or a bush.


I will look forward to not being thirsty all the time in 29 days. 12 meow shots.


Did you catch that?


So quick review of LUX:


Shitty service, food was subpar for most of the table, mine was good because it was covered in bernaise, and though the drinks took a long time to reach us every time we caught the waitress they were effective and drunkening. At 10 bucks a pop they better be.


Here are a couple pics from the night:





Me And Huzbee







Me and my buddies John and Elaine.
HEART.
Two awesome friends that love me no matter what, and pretty much rule. 


We had fun anyways, but we won't be back, Matt says 2 1/2 stars out of 5.


That's not good.


So this blog was full of complaints, and I may be down physically right now but mentally I am still Rambo. Or I am doing a good job keeping myself distracted most of the time. I just keep reminding myself that the end to this is near, and everyday I am closer to the last shot.


-E.

1 comment:

alicia said...

let's just run away and feel shitty together. <3