Thursday Shit

SO!

Let me begin by sharing my recent misery with you.

I started playing soccer on a team two weeks ago.

We have games (indoor) once a week on a gymnasium floor.

I'm the goalie.

Bound to hurt myself.

I will do whatever to save a goal, I don't care how much I hurt myself.

At least that's how I felt when I was 15.

At 29, things hurt more. 

They just do.

Last night I was flying all over the place and bent my calf the wrong way, I don't even remember how it was so swift and painful.

I refuse to let it get me down and off the game, I find soccer so much more rewarding and fun than working out in a gym or any other kind of exercise.

There is blood pain tears sweat and GLORY.

That's why I love the beautiful sport.

Well, I can handle a little pain and strain, but I did it to myself pretty good last night, then came to work and put on heels like an idiot, a gawddamm fool really, and at some point while going down the stairs like my Grandma Frannie does I lose my balance and 

FALL DOWN THE STAIRS.

Oh my god, who falls down the stairs?!

Me. 

It fucking hurt.

The worst part was I couldn't stand up, so I had to writhe in pain for a couple minutes and take my heels off.

Ok, that hurt.

Great reminder that I am not 15 anymore.

It's even harder for me because of the surgery I had on my leg.

The same leg I keep hurting.

It is just different now, I can't lift it up from the top of my leg so I use my knee and calf to lift it, and if I hurt that muscle I can't stand up on it at all from sitting down.

Fucking muscle tearing crazy surgeon, I had no idea the impact it would truly have on my life until now.

I do have a great ice pack and painkillers so I can concentrate on my 

"life" outside work, SCHOOL!

***THE NEXT FRONTIER***

Learning truly is wasted on the young.

I am loving learning and here's what I look like every night:

Usually have a pen in one hand and a cigarette in the other.

I'm ambidextrous like that.

HARDCORE HIGHLIGHTING

NOTES NOTES NOTES

I don't know why I didn't use highlighters in Jr. High or High school, they are my best friend now.

Sometimes when you only have limited time to study lots of things, you can skip over the non-highlighted parts to get to the meat under the bright yellow.

I am pumped to take my first chapter test next week!

Wooohoo!

Anyways, unlike my previous school career, I plan on being an A+ student.

A goody goody teachers pet even.

I want a 4.0.

ERIN'S SCHOOL HISTORY (Abbreviated, there's too much.)

Kindergaten:

Shy but girly.

Had to wear a dress everyday or I would cry.

Caught on to french quickly and was speaking it soon after.

Kindergaten ruled. We did arts and crafts and got to play in a sand box and with boats in a water tank little play houses and trade juice boxes.

Oh, the simple joys of childhood.

When I was in elementary school, we had to do soooo much homework, and the fact that it was French immersion gave you that little special EXTRA challenge!

If you didn't even understand the damn concept in English, why would you be able to learn the entire concept in a different language than you think in?

French immersion is just that, being IMMERSED in French.

You leave lacking English grammar skills with a head full of French grammar you'll never use again.

Ok so elementary school.

I remember loving school until about grade 4. 

Before that we didn't have the evil BESCHERELLE, the French BIBLE of Grammar, and one little mistake of 7000 different tenses and objective, selective, corrective, whatthefuckever that all is that I still barely understand, means you aren't saying something right.

Until that age, they didn't say SHIT when correcting your writing in french.

They just said, oh, we will throw this at them kids later.

All of a sudden, everything I knew turned upside down with all these new tenses, Present Avoir, Future Avoir, Future Tu, Toi, Je, ills, Elles, on, tu, nous....

I'm sure you are confused, I always have been.

By Grade five my grades slipped a lot in french and math because I was just confused.

Most of my class was getting it but I just wasn't.

Maybe some just knew how to study better and take a mental picture of those horrid bescherelle pages and be able to make some sense of them, I can understand it better now but still just barely.

I held on till junior high where I could have switched out to English I don't know why I stayed with French, but I am kinda glad I did.

At some point of Grade 7 I heard about the concept of anarchy, and to me at the age of 12 listening to Smashing Pumpkins and Hole, hating my parents and brother, and spending most of my time brooding, putting on dark makeup and writing depressing poetry, anarchy meant FUCK AUTHORITY and thus, FUCK HOMEWORK.

Well, did I ever pay for that.

Bad marks in math and science, by grade 8 I was failing most everything but said that

 I DIDN'T CARE.

Our French and social studies teacher doled out a TON of homework everyday, and sometimes I would do some in the class, but when I got home it was "fuck it o'clock" I got on the phone and gossiped with friends and cut barbies hair and gave them piercings with sewing needles.

I rarely handed in complete homework assignments- I remember stopping on the side of the school yard to do it before class- yup, and this particularity hated old teacher who was a round apple shaped french bitch in a tight leather mini skirt frightened me so much, and she was my homeroom teacher.

One day after not knowing shit in some oral quiz she did to humiliate kids in front of the class she took me aside and told me that if I didn't get my act together and start doing homework I would end up a homeless junkie hooker and she delivered that so coldly I'll never forget that horrible woman.

Grade nine was better, I was less awkward and not failing everything, and doing more homework still not all of it but some. Haha.

Grade ten was both exciting and horrifying.

I had been at the same school for ten years in the same class of people, and as much as I wanted to get away and meet new more like minded people I didn't go to our feeder school I went to the art school downtown.

I felt so cool... Art hight school.

Played violin for credits, learned to model in photography and create images that were in my head.

I did have some issues transitioning and found myself lost and unaware of my true self, missing my former classmates and not sure how to adapt to my new social environment.

By grade 11 I was fully into Vic and all my fun artistic endeavours that I completely forgot about Jr. High and just LOVED the rest of High School, tried, studied and even did homework.

Somehow graduated with 165 credits!?!?

They gave em away like candy on halloween at that school for things like playing music in the lobby of the theatre for performance, 1 credit, 2 credits, even 3 for shit like that.

A few of the last credits I received were from playing violin at my commencement for the A-P names or whatever.

That school was Edmonton's version of FAME!

We were all stars in our own right and that's what kept me there till the end.

Post High school grad, no interest in school, period.

Finally five or 6 years later I go back to school, to beauty school of course!

It was great, 7 months of class and working on clients- we didn't get paid but got tips sometimes!

I loved it and it care me a career I can do for the rest of my life if I want, or fall back on it, whatever!

After doing that combined with the restaurant service industry my entire life, I am ready for new horizons. 

New challenges, and a new sense of purpose.

I find that in learning and applying myself now, how uncharacteristic of this old rebel girl.

Thanks for ready, time to crash, my painkillers are knocking me the fuck out.

INSERTING RANDOM PHOTOS FOR THE FUCK OF IT!

THE BESTEST FRIENDS YOU EVER DID SEE!

Ballin'

Chloe the stubborn but loving old lady dog and me.

Still rockin' at 100.

Love this woman,

My cute shiney Salem, all shiny and stuff.

Felacia Dragbottoms, our bottom feeding placostamous or however that's spelled.

I think he's cool but gross.

UNTIL NEXT TIME MY LOVES!

PEACE!

-E.

Wednesday Update

UPDATE!

THERE IS NO NEWS YET!

Yeah I know all of you have been riveted by my last couple entries about the jiggity-jank leg, checking Hex every hour on the hour, on the edge of your seats to hear the reason of this mystery pain, but I don't know anything yet.

The scan was actually 3 seperate scans.

John took me so I was in the best possible company, and I waited a little while then they took me down the snakey hallways of the Hy's and sat me down and had me sign a waiver for the radioactive shot I had to take in my arm (Not my favourite kind of shot if you know what I mean) and so I fill out this short waiver and then the girl tells me to go back to the main waiting room to wait for her to call me in about 10 minutes. I was like, uhhh ok... thinking, couldn't I just sit here? K whatever bitch I'll go back.

Probably 6 minutes later they call me again and I go back to the same chair way in the back of this huge place, and this time I get my needle.

A radioactive shot is really weird.

First you have a weird metal taste in your mouth then you feel like you're wetting yourself, last time I had a warm rush up my whole body but this time I didn't... then this girl tells me to go shopping or something and come back in two hours.

TWO HOURS? I said, but much more politely than this looks, but inside I am like

WERRRRTTT THERRR FERRRRRKKK?

It takes a couple of hours to make your bones all glowy and stuff

 she explains, in a longer more non-laymen term kinda way.

That was ok though, I was hungry and John and I both wanted to shop, so we went on down to Kingsway for some retail and Tim Hortons therapy.

We ate up 2 hours pretty quickly being the retail whores we are, and before you know it it was time to go back.

Come back in, wait some more, had a really burny blue piss, (from the radioactive shot) wait some more again, then get taken in for a full body scan.

This circular thing slowly scanned me from toe to head, and then hovered above my head for 5 minutes, which with my claustrophobia issues made me freak out a little inside, obvs I didn't show it, but I was relieved when it slowly moved off my head!

It hovered around me silently in different spots for about 30 minutes total. Kind of creepy. Once that was done I waited a little more and then got another scan where you just hold your leg up to this thing while it does it's thing and about 20 minutes later that's done.

MORE WAITING for the doctor to come back and see if they got enough pictures and shit, then they finally let me go, a total of almost four and a half hours, GERRRD!

ON THE BRIGHT SIDE...

My leg started to feel better Monday and today is Wednesday I haven't taken any painkillers for a couple of days now, so I see this as a good sign. 

I am SO not worried now.

I was, but then I realized I was ignoring my true intuition, and when I just tune out all the crazy shit in my head and focus and think clearly I can be much more rational, and just threw away my worries and 

FUCK IT, at least I am taking action on these worries instead of sitting around letting that feeling fester.

I'm not wasting anymore time dwelling on what COULD happen.

I am just going to stop worrying and be awesome instead, it is so liberating to stop and let go.

I did manage to make the papers yesterday, not for being a maniac or anything, at least not this time!

http://www.edmontonsun.com/2012/09/17/american-dermatologist-dr-henry-lim-in-edmonton-at-the-university-of-alberta-to-call-for-a-ban-on-tanning-beds-amidst-rise-in-melanoma-in-girls-aged-15-to-29

I am a Melanoma star, I know.

WHAT ELSE?

The 3 cheap-o t-shirts I bought Monday have really brightened up my week!
If you are ever planning on buying me a present and you don't want to spend more than $10, just buy me a ridiculous t-shirt and I'll love you forever.

Here's some Instagram Pics of the T's in different cool looking filters!

Ok this one is hands down my favourite, my cat tux tee!

I like this one cause it's so sassy, like me!
Why be difficult when you can be impossible?

Today's Tee.
I swore that I would never buy a dumb KEEP CALM AND... t shirt, but when I saw this one I caved and spent the six bucks.

 You must be so jealous right now, either that or thinking that I am too old to be wearing silly t-shirts, but really I will never be too old for a t-shirt.

So don't worry, as soon as my doctor calls me to tell me that there's nothing wrong with ol' jiggity-jank leg and it is allllllll just in my imagination, I'll let y'all know.

IN CLOSING...

YOU MUST CHECK THIS SONG OUT!!!
Our good buddy Oakland plays the standup bass and part time vocals in this band, and they are world fucking famous now, touring the globe with their rockin' brand of Psychobilly ROCK N' ROLL!!! SO PROUD of these guys!!!

This is off the teaser for their 3rd album, COWBOY UP!

When the album drops I'll get a copy straight from these boys and share more with y'all, in the meantime chew on this!

http://youtu.be/x1_1yFYs4ec


-E.

All Jiggity-Janked and stuff for distraction

So I've had a lot of concerned calls and texts about the jiggity-janked leg, here's what is going on.

I had the ultrasound to check for any blood clots- yeah that scared me, but yay!

No blood clots.

 Wednesday I went to see my family doctor who actually cares about what's going on with me and she has ordered an emergency bone scan, which I am having on Monday, and this will show if the pain is caused by lesions on my bone or (worst case) a tumor. 

Not trying to scare y'all, just being honest, the worst possibilities have to be ruled out first.

I will admit it is a little frightening still.

At least this doctor really cares, I feel like I am in good hands with her.

As far as worrying...

At this point I get that there is so much 'hurry up and wait"and one thing that has helped me is to stay distracted by other things and not count the days. Lose track. It isn't easy to do, but overtime I've learned how to do it most of the time, and it works for me.

Even if I am going to receive bad news, I still got to live happily without that reality. Sounds kinda morbid but that is how I have to see things now, and just wake up everyday to enjoy my life and loves and nothing else.

Who knows what it is, but I engaged in some retail therapy and a poutine for todays distractment, tomorrow I will go to Noorish for din din with my momma, and Saturday I go to Calgary for a: 

PIG ROAST!!!!

My sister in law's family has one every year, and her dad is a pro pig roaster, and I am not against rotating just about any animal on a spit, well, no cats dogs, beavers deers or anything cute.

Pigs can be cute but they can also be delicious when roasted nicely.

I won't pretend to not be a carnivore.

I couldn't ever be a vegan because vegans are so pretentious and usually alcoholics, I just hate the attitude most vegans have, and they try and shame you for eating meat and why you shouldn't eat red meat, and how it's cruel to eat their cheeses and wear their leather shoes....

PSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

A big FUCK YOU to all you pretentious vegans out there.

YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT!

Go drink a beer and get fat off your microwave vegan meals.

God I've been wanting to say that for sooooooo long.

I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER!

Mmmmm...monkey, koala and toucan stew... so... endangered....

NOT sure how that turned into a vegan rant, ok, I like some vegan food but I need meat or I would die. Without protein I'm sick, fainting, puking, I need chicken, I need meat.

SO ANYWAYS- Back to the Jiggity-Janked leg!

I am obviously relaxing, stretching my leg out when I can and I am not to drive or do jumping jacks or hike, ya know, climb walls and stuff like that until we know more about what's happening.

It was very frustrating that the emergency doctor fuckface or whatever his name was wouldn't give me even a few t'3s. 

Tuesday I had my ultrasound and I got a different doctor, a young, more sympathetic young woman.

She gave me a thing of t3's, five I believe, well, thanks, I guess...

So it is wonderful that my family doctor didn't want me to live in pain and prescribed me something nicer. 

So that's all I know right now, only tests will tell and that takes time.

In the meantime I am going to do whatever I please and do my best never to feel sorry for myself.

How about some random pictures?

Yeah, I have no fucking clue what this means, but it still makes me laugh.

A very very old snap of our girl Lindsay, around 1999.... she was the best goth ever.

She would colour her contacts red with food colouring, as you can see in this picture, that's not red eye from the camera, those are her rose coloured contacts.

She made us laugh by telling us how the red came out in her boogers and stuff when she blew her nose.

So obviously I fancy myself a sort of a witch so I have an alter that is dedicated to her right now.

This is a necklace I gave her sometime in high school, and going through her jewellery I found this and had shivers down my whole body. I grasped it and said, I gave this to her.

I gave this to her.

So here it is, I am just keeping it safe for her, it will always be hers.

I found this crazy angry two headed monster guy candle on her counter and had to have it, but not to burn it, she wouldn't burn a candle like this because it's too hilarious.

It will sit among the other candles though, always.

So this is a scary lady I found and said, oh my gosh who is taking her?

Everyone in the room said-

You are.

I imagine Lindsay had a hilarious name for her no one knows, but I can't help but think of her as LINZY

 Her high school goth persona. That is what she represents to me, kinda weird, maybe a little morbid really, but also comforting.

FAVOURITE THINGS THIS WEEK <3

Here are some things that have been keeping me sane during this crazy mixed up time happening here, first is miss cuddle princess Sabbie.

She always knows when I am taking out the camera to take a picture of her, and often she will open her eyes and pose a little and look right at you. She's the cutest kitty ever ever ever!

So I always have new MAC lipsticks, it is sort of like a treat I give myself for having a good day, or having a really bad day, or just "a DAY!"  maybe bi-tri-monthly ok maybe more.... anyways this one is from their pro longwear line which I highly recommend.

I have a few of these lipsticks and they DON'T COME OFF.

I wore one called Approaching storm, a dark rusty red in Montreal, and even after a night of excessive drinking and greasy poutine I STILL had my lipstick on, no bleeding or fading, it just stays in place.

 I never promote anything on my blog, but buy some MAC pro long wear, it rules.

These boots, errrmmrrrrgrrrrddddd these boots!

Scored 'em at the slut emporium... I mean SIRENS LOL.

For $40 baby, who could say no? 

Well clearly not me.

It's weird, but I prefer to wear higher healed/wedged heels in the winter because it keeps your feet off the cold cold ground! Of course you can't wear the high boots all the time and sometimes you are going to need something more practical, but to me looking like a rockstar all the time is more important than being 'practical" PSSSSSHHHHHH.

So that's all folks, I am loopy with el painkillerinos so it's time to hit the hay!

I shall keep you all updated about my jiggity-janked leg and what my neat-o bone scan says!

-E.

Mixed Nuts

One thing I can never say about my life, it is never boring.

These last 24 hours were just nuts.

This story starts out around 1030 last night.

I had dinner at my parents house then talked and laughed a while and I come home, thinking I would just go to bed, I was feeling tired.

Well I turned on the TV and started relaxing a bit, and I got to thinking about my recent urge to go back to school. I have been thinking about Athabasca University, where I can take university courses online.

I go to their website and about 45 minutes later I had signed up for a three year bachelor of arts majoring in Psychology. 

Yes this is real, I am going to FUCKING UNIVERSITY, this is something I said I would never do, mostly based on the fact that so many university students think they are better than common uneducated folk, and alllllll wear Mountain Equipment Co-op coats and Lulu Lemons, fucking U of A hoodies and Uggs or shabby ass flip flops.

At a young age I decided I hated University culture, and just said, 

I don't wanna go to school for 4 years, I just did 12, 13 if you count kindergarten.

Fuck it 

I said, I'd rather make money now and do whatever I want,

Now.

So here I am, still enjoying my job but yearning to LEARN, and accomplish something I can be proud of other than being the star of my beauty school a few years back and finishing a year of cancer treatment.

So I will start in January, and I will be taking courses for 3 years.

ERMAERMAGRRRRRRRRRRRRRDDDDDDDD!!!!

Technically I will never be attending a class so I won't become a lazy sloppily dressed University person who doesn't even have time for a coat of mascara.

One cool thing is I'll get to learn why I am so crazy!

So I woke up this morning for work very satisfied with this decision and excited to share the news with loved ones and friends.

It was enough to take my mind off my hurting leg for a little while.

If you haven't heard about my leg problems see my last entry, I go on about them for a good while.

Here's when things took a turn.

Half way through the day, my hip all the way to my knee started to hurt.

Took some tylenol and it didn't do SHIT.

The pain got worse and I was still pretending it wasn't too bad.

When I left work and got in my car, it hit me that the pain was getting worse and worse, 

I just started driving to emergency.

It isn't a feeling I've ever felt, and parts of it aren't easy to pinpoint the pain.

I feel a deep throbbing but push in the spot and it is too deep to reach, it radiates up and down my leg and when it is the worst it it radiates down to my foot and into my toes.

It has been steadily getting worse and today it was the worst I've felt it yet.

I get to the damn hospital and wander in, just wanting it to be over.

I didn't have to wait as long as I thought I would to get a bed, and Dr. Jerky came in shortly after.

I knew he was a jerky doctor as soon as I saw him, I am getting good at reading doctors.

He quickly examined me and then said I will have an X-ray in a bit.

I wait around, and then go in for a quick x-ray, then I am back in my room waiting waiting waiting waiting waiting waiting waiting waiting waiting...

Dr. Jerky busts in like Cosmo Kramer as I am finishing up on the toilet, nice, then gives me

"A minute"-

maybe 10 minutes later he's finally back.

He says

Your X-rays are fine. 

One thing it could be is a blood clot.

A BLOOD CLOT? 

Oh fuck. Isn't this something 75 years olds have to deal with? Not a 29 year old.

He explains to me that there is a risk for blood clots with the type of surgery I had, and tells me they would call me tomorrow for an ultrasound- because they don't do them at night, and turned to walk out and I said in a desperate and loud voice-

UMMMMM, I NEED PAINKILLERS....!

Dr. Jerky goes, take some Advil extra strength.

I was like

I'VE BEEN TAKING THOSE!!! THEY DON'T WORK!!!

Dr. Asshole ignored that and said we'd figure out what's going on first and left, as I was like 

um, uh, but, it hurts, uhh.....

 he walks out and I turned red with fire inside and call my mom upset and pissed off about that, and my parents are super alarmed by this possible blood clot and can't believe I am not being admitted. Of course I understand why they feel that way but at this point I just want to get the fuck out of this Misery-cordia hospital and home popping muscle relaxers or something.

Lucky for me they have a low dose codeine over the counter at London Drugs and a few of them have dulled the pain a little.

I am still mad about Dr. Jerky Fuckface and hope I can see him tomorrow so I can be more aggressive and force him to prescribe me some good painkillers so I can sleep, sit down without horrid pain and function until this is treated.

So there you go, you have shared in my misery yet again.

Like I said don't feel sorry for me.... well maybe a little.

So these damn Acetaminophen and Codeine pills have CAFFIENE in them, I just looked, and it's no wonder I am up and blogging, another wonderful thing about this day, wow.

So stay tuned to see what happens to my leg, when I got home and talked with Matt I said to him, 

What's next? 

They chop it off?

My poor right leg, it has been through the ringer, yes I feel sorry for myself.

Well, I am not going to end this entry on a miserable self-pitying note.

LINDSAY'S BOUTIQUE <3

Saturday Lindsay's mom hosted LINDSAY'S BOUTIQUE.

A few of her closest friends from over the years came to her apartment to take some little pieces of Lindz.

I made new friendships and shared some of my fond memories with Lindsay, told her mom Leslie stories about us playing soccer together and the silly things we would do, me as the brick wall goalie and her as the mean striker.

I took many things of Lindsay's I felt were meant for me, now that she is gone.

I found a necklace I gave her in high school, that was a little emotional, but everyone said I needed to take it home.

That girl had some very unique things, and some great movies and purses.

The group of us polished off a big bottle of Yager in honor of our Lindsay, and posed for a group picture of all of us with something of hers, and a shot of Jag.

I am the one in the giant sombrero, and I will be wearing it from time to time for parties to channel my lovely and hilarious friend Lindsay. 

We will never stop celebrating our friendship with you Lindsay.

There are no ways to explain how much you'll be missed, but I am comforted to have others that loved you just as much, and things of yours to always remind me of our sisterhood.

-E.