All Jiggity-Janked and stuff for distraction

So I've had a lot of concerned calls and texts about the jiggity-janked leg, here's what is going on.

I had the ultrasound to check for any blood clots- yeah that scared me, but yay!

No blood clots.

 Wednesday I went to see my family doctor who actually cares about what's going on with me and she has ordered an emergency bone scan, which I am having on Monday, and this will show if the pain is caused by lesions on my bone or (worst case) a tumor. 

Not trying to scare y'all, just being honest, the worst possibilities have to be ruled out first.

I will admit it is a little frightening still.

At least this doctor really cares, I feel like I am in good hands with her.

As far as worrying...

At this point I get that there is so much 'hurry up and wait"and one thing that has helped me is to stay distracted by other things and not count the days. Lose track. It isn't easy to do, but overtime I've learned how to do it most of the time, and it works for me.

Even if I am going to receive bad news, I still got to live happily without that reality. Sounds kinda morbid but that is how I have to see things now, and just wake up everyday to enjoy my life and loves and nothing else.

Who knows what it is, but I engaged in some retail therapy and a poutine for todays distractment, tomorrow I will go to Noorish for din din with my momma, and Saturday I go to Calgary for a: 

PIG ROAST!!!!

My sister in law's family has one every year, and her dad is a pro pig roaster, and I am not against rotating just about any animal on a spit, well, no cats dogs, beavers deers or anything cute.

Pigs can be cute but they can also be delicious when roasted nicely.

I won't pretend to not be a carnivore.

I couldn't ever be a vegan because vegans are so pretentious and usually alcoholics, I just hate the attitude most vegans have, and they try and shame you for eating meat and why you shouldn't eat red meat, and how it's cruel to eat their cheeses and wear their leather shoes....

PSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

A big FUCK YOU to all you pretentious vegans out there.

YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT!

Go drink a beer and get fat off your microwave vegan meals.

God I've been wanting to say that for sooooooo long.

I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER!

Mmmmm...monkey, koala and toucan stew... so... endangered....

NOT sure how that turned into a vegan rant, ok, I like some vegan food but I need meat or I would die. Without protein I'm sick, fainting, puking, I need chicken, I need meat.

SO ANYWAYS- Back to the Jiggity-Janked leg!

I am obviously relaxing, stretching my leg out when I can and I am not to drive or do jumping jacks or hike, ya know, climb walls and stuff like that until we know more about what's happening.

It was very frustrating that the emergency doctor fuckface or whatever his name was wouldn't give me even a few t'3s. 

Tuesday I had my ultrasound and I got a different doctor, a young, more sympathetic young woman.

She gave me a thing of t3's, five I believe, well, thanks, I guess...

So it is wonderful that my family doctor didn't want me to live in pain and prescribed me something nicer. 

So that's all I know right now, only tests will tell and that takes time.

In the meantime I am going to do whatever I please and do my best never to feel sorry for myself.

How about some random pictures?

Yeah, I have no fucking clue what this means, but it still makes me laugh.

A very very old snap of our girl Lindsay, around 1999.... she was the best goth ever.

She would colour her contacts red with food colouring, as you can see in this picture, that's not red eye from the camera, those are her rose coloured contacts.

She made us laugh by telling us how the red came out in her boogers and stuff when she blew her nose.

So obviously I fancy myself a sort of a witch so I have an alter that is dedicated to her right now.

This is a necklace I gave her sometime in high school, and going through her jewellery I found this and had shivers down my whole body. I grasped it and said, I gave this to her.

I gave this to her.

So here it is, I am just keeping it safe for her, it will always be hers.

I found this crazy angry two headed monster guy candle on her counter and had to have it, but not to burn it, she wouldn't burn a candle like this because it's too hilarious.

It will sit among the other candles though, always.

So this is a scary lady I found and said, oh my gosh who is taking her?

Everyone in the room said-

You are.

I imagine Lindsay had a hilarious name for her no one knows, but I can't help but think of her as LINZY

 Her high school goth persona. That is what she represents to me, kinda weird, maybe a little morbid really, but also comforting.

FAVOURITE THINGS THIS WEEK <3

Here are some things that have been keeping me sane during this crazy mixed up time happening here, first is miss cuddle princess Sabbie.

She always knows when I am taking out the camera to take a picture of her, and often she will open her eyes and pose a little and look right at you. She's the cutest kitty ever ever ever!

So I always have new MAC lipsticks, it is sort of like a treat I give myself for having a good day, or having a really bad day, or just "a DAY!"  maybe bi-tri-monthly ok maybe more.... anyways this one is from their pro longwear line which I highly recommend.

I have a few of these lipsticks and they DON'T COME OFF.

I wore one called Approaching storm, a dark rusty red in Montreal, and even after a night of excessive drinking and greasy poutine I STILL had my lipstick on, no bleeding or fading, it just stays in place.

 I never promote anything on my blog, but buy some MAC pro long wear, it rules.

These boots, errrmmrrrrgrrrrddddd these boots!

Scored 'em at the slut emporium... I mean SIRENS LOL.

For $40 baby, who could say no? 

Well clearly not me.

It's weird, but I prefer to wear higher healed/wedged heels in the winter because it keeps your feet off the cold cold ground! Of course you can't wear the high boots all the time and sometimes you are going to need something more practical, but to me looking like a rockstar all the time is more important than being 'practical" PSSSSSHHHHHH.

So that's all folks, I am loopy with el painkillerinos so it's time to hit the hay!

I shall keep you all updated about my jiggity-janked leg and what my neat-o bone scan says!

-E.

Mixed Nuts

One thing I can never say about my life, it is never boring.

These last 24 hours were just nuts.

This story starts out around 1030 last night.

I had dinner at my parents house then talked and laughed a while and I come home, thinking I would just go to bed, I was feeling tired.

Well I turned on the TV and started relaxing a bit, and I got to thinking about my recent urge to go back to school. I have been thinking about Athabasca University, where I can take university courses online.

I go to their website and about 45 minutes later I had signed up for a three year bachelor of arts majoring in Psychology. 

Yes this is real, I am going to FUCKING UNIVERSITY, this is something I said I would never do, mostly based on the fact that so many university students think they are better than common uneducated folk, and alllllll wear Mountain Equipment Co-op coats and Lulu Lemons, fucking U of A hoodies and Uggs or shabby ass flip flops.

At a young age I decided I hated University culture, and just said, 

I don't wanna go to school for 4 years, I just did 12, 13 if you count kindergarten.

Fuck it 

I said, I'd rather make money now and do whatever I want,

Now.

So here I am, still enjoying my job but yearning to LEARN, and accomplish something I can be proud of other than being the star of my beauty school a few years back and finishing a year of cancer treatment.

So I will start in January, and I will be taking courses for 3 years.

ERMAERMAGRRRRRRRRRRRRRDDDDDDDD!!!!

Technically I will never be attending a class so I won't become a lazy sloppily dressed University person who doesn't even have time for a coat of mascara.

One cool thing is I'll get to learn why I am so crazy!

So I woke up this morning for work very satisfied with this decision and excited to share the news with loved ones and friends.

It was enough to take my mind off my hurting leg for a little while.

If you haven't heard about my leg problems see my last entry, I go on about them for a good while.

Here's when things took a turn.

Half way through the day, my hip all the way to my knee started to hurt.

Took some tylenol and it didn't do SHIT.

The pain got worse and I was still pretending it wasn't too bad.

When I left work and got in my car, it hit me that the pain was getting worse and worse, 

I just started driving to emergency.

It isn't a feeling I've ever felt, and parts of it aren't easy to pinpoint the pain.

I feel a deep throbbing but push in the spot and it is too deep to reach, it radiates up and down my leg and when it is the worst it it radiates down to my foot and into my toes.

It has been steadily getting worse and today it was the worst I've felt it yet.

I get to the damn hospital and wander in, just wanting it to be over.

I didn't have to wait as long as I thought I would to get a bed, and Dr. Jerky came in shortly after.

I knew he was a jerky doctor as soon as I saw him, I am getting good at reading doctors.

He quickly examined me and then said I will have an X-ray in a bit.

I wait around, and then go in for a quick x-ray, then I am back in my room waiting waiting waiting waiting waiting waiting waiting waiting waiting...

Dr. Jerky busts in like Cosmo Kramer as I am finishing up on the toilet, nice, then gives me

"A minute"-

maybe 10 minutes later he's finally back.

He says

Your X-rays are fine. 

One thing it could be is a blood clot.

A BLOOD CLOT? 

Oh fuck. Isn't this something 75 years olds have to deal with? Not a 29 year old.

He explains to me that there is a risk for blood clots with the type of surgery I had, and tells me they would call me tomorrow for an ultrasound- because they don't do them at night, and turned to walk out and I said in a desperate and loud voice-

UMMMMM, I NEED PAINKILLERS....!

Dr. Jerky goes, take some Advil extra strength.

I was like

I'VE BEEN TAKING THOSE!!! THEY DON'T WORK!!!

Dr. Asshole ignored that and said we'd figure out what's going on first and left, as I was like 

um, uh, but, it hurts, uhh.....

 he walks out and I turned red with fire inside and call my mom upset and pissed off about that, and my parents are super alarmed by this possible blood clot and can't believe I am not being admitted. Of course I understand why they feel that way but at this point I just want to get the fuck out of this Misery-cordia hospital and home popping muscle relaxers or something.

Lucky for me they have a low dose codeine over the counter at London Drugs and a few of them have dulled the pain a little.

I am still mad about Dr. Jerky Fuckface and hope I can see him tomorrow so I can be more aggressive and force him to prescribe me some good painkillers so I can sleep, sit down without horrid pain and function until this is treated.

So there you go, you have shared in my misery yet again.

Like I said don't feel sorry for me.... well maybe a little.

So these damn Acetaminophen and Codeine pills have CAFFIENE in them, I just looked, and it's no wonder I am up and blogging, another wonderful thing about this day, wow.

So stay tuned to see what happens to my leg, when I got home and talked with Matt I said to him, 

What's next? 

They chop it off?

My poor right leg, it has been through the ringer, yes I feel sorry for myself.

Well, I am not going to end this entry on a miserable self-pitying note.

LINDSAY'S BOUTIQUE <3

Saturday Lindsay's mom hosted LINDSAY'S BOUTIQUE.

A few of her closest friends from over the years came to her apartment to take some little pieces of Lindz.

I made new friendships and shared some of my fond memories with Lindsay, told her mom Leslie stories about us playing soccer together and the silly things we would do, me as the brick wall goalie and her as the mean striker.

I took many things of Lindsay's I felt were meant for me, now that she is gone.

I found a necklace I gave her in high school, that was a little emotional, but everyone said I needed to take it home.

That girl had some very unique things, and some great movies and purses.

The group of us polished off a big bottle of Yager in honor of our Lindsay, and posed for a group picture of all of us with something of hers, and a shot of Jag.

I am the one in the giant sombrero, and I will be wearing it from time to time for parties to channel my lovely and hilarious friend Lindsay. 

We will never stop celebrating our friendship with you Lindsay.

There are no ways to explain how much you'll be missed, but I am comforted to have others that loved you just as much, and things of yours to always remind me of our sisterhood.

-E.

Lindsay Sweet Millions

Today was Wednesday.

Today I lost a friend.

My longtime friend Lindsay died.

Her death is still somewhat a mystery but it appears she had a heart attack, but I shouldn't even be blogging that as the reason why this happened isn't even known yet.

All we know is her parents tried to revive her but she didn't come back.

 Lindsay and I met in grade 10 at Vic, and right away I thought she was the coolest and most hilarious person I had ever met. I was intimidated by her awesomeness, I knew she was funnier and much more goth than I, and this was a huge reason why I was drawn to her, but why we remained friends throughout 15 years- when we were in the same town, Edmonton that is- she could make anything horrible into a pee your pants worthy joke, brighten your day with her gigantic amazing eyes, and make any situation into a party. 

The party she was always the LIFE of. 

As cool as she was many could be scared away. I just had to know her and be a part of her life, because cool was just on the surface of this girl.

Her heart was gigantic. I felt like I could never fill her heart, as it was so big.

We started playing soccer on the same team at 15, and me as goal and her as the best goal defender ever or meanest goal striker, like, teaching Beckham game, that awesome, we somehow made time to make dirty jokes and laugh about some random inside joke.

By 16 we were working at the same coffee shop, and making the same dirty silly or ridiculous jokes together, most of which she would start out of the sheer gift of being hilarious.

She was always there for me, and through all my drama through the years she would want me to spill everything and she would end up turning me 180 degrees JUST by making me laugh about it.

JUST by making me laugh. Lightening everything, no matter how dark.

I suppose this isn't an easy thing to be able to do to everyone- make them laugh.

The girl should have been a comedian, her quick wit would make me and everyone else she came in contact with fall on the floor, pee your pants and strive to make her laugh just as hard, and she had a memorable laugh that I will keep forever.

It may be just too soon for me to truly express my feelings about this girl. 

I have texts from her from Sunday night I will keep for now, and will never delete her contact from my phone.

Forget about my feelings about Lindsay's death.

Her parents and family have lost her, suddenly and so young.

I just know I will keep something alive for Lindsay forever.

She advised me if I was going to grow tomatoes, I should grow sweet millions.

Next year, I will grow the sweet millions.

Thanks Lindz, man I will miss you.

-E.