Mixed Nuts

One thing I can never say about my life, it is never boring.

These last 24 hours were just nuts.

This story starts out around 1030 last night.

I had dinner at my parents house then talked and laughed a while and I come home, thinking I would just go to bed, I was feeling tired.

Well I turned on the TV and started relaxing a bit, and I got to thinking about my recent urge to go back to school. I have been thinking about Athabasca University, where I can take university courses online.

I go to their website and about 45 minutes later I had signed up for a three year bachelor of arts majoring in Psychology. 

Yes this is real, I am going to FUCKING UNIVERSITY, this is something I said I would never do, mostly based on the fact that so many university students think they are better than common uneducated folk, and alllllll wear Mountain Equipment Co-op coats and Lulu Lemons, fucking U of A hoodies and Uggs or shabby ass flip flops.

At a young age I decided I hated University culture, and just said, 

I don't wanna go to school for 4 years, I just did 12, 13 if you count kindergarten.

Fuck it 

I said, I'd rather make money now and do whatever I want,

Now.

So here I am, still enjoying my job but yearning to LEARN, and accomplish something I can be proud of other than being the star of my beauty school a few years back and finishing a year of cancer treatment.

So I will start in January, and I will be taking courses for 3 years.

ERMAERMAGRRRRRRRRRRRRRDDDDDDDD!!!!

Technically I will never be attending a class so I won't become a lazy sloppily dressed University person who doesn't even have time for a coat of mascara.

One cool thing is I'll get to learn why I am so crazy!

So I woke up this morning for work very satisfied with this decision and excited to share the news with loved ones and friends.

It was enough to take my mind off my hurting leg for a little while.

If you haven't heard about my leg problems see my last entry, I go on about them for a good while.

Here's when things took a turn.

Half way through the day, my hip all the way to my knee started to hurt.

Took some tylenol and it didn't do SHIT.

The pain got worse and I was still pretending it wasn't too bad.

When I left work and got in my car, it hit me that the pain was getting worse and worse, 

I just started driving to emergency.

It isn't a feeling I've ever felt, and parts of it aren't easy to pinpoint the pain.

I feel a deep throbbing but push in the spot and it is too deep to reach, it radiates up and down my leg and when it is the worst it it radiates down to my foot and into my toes.

It has been steadily getting worse and today it was the worst I've felt it yet.

I get to the damn hospital and wander in, just wanting it to be over.

I didn't have to wait as long as I thought I would to get a bed, and Dr. Jerky came in shortly after.

I knew he was a jerky doctor as soon as I saw him, I am getting good at reading doctors.

He quickly examined me and then said I will have an X-ray in a bit.

I wait around, and then go in for a quick x-ray, then I am back in my room waiting waiting waiting waiting waiting waiting waiting waiting waiting...

Dr. Jerky busts in like Cosmo Kramer as I am finishing up on the toilet, nice, then gives me

"A minute"-

maybe 10 minutes later he's finally back.

He says

Your X-rays are fine. 

One thing it could be is a blood clot.

A BLOOD CLOT? 

Oh fuck. Isn't this something 75 years olds have to deal with? Not a 29 year old.

He explains to me that there is a risk for blood clots with the type of surgery I had, and tells me they would call me tomorrow for an ultrasound- because they don't do them at night, and turned to walk out and I said in a desperate and loud voice-

UMMMMM, I NEED PAINKILLERS....!

Dr. Jerky goes, take some Advil extra strength.

I was like

I'VE BEEN TAKING THOSE!!! THEY DON'T WORK!!!

Dr. Asshole ignored that and said we'd figure out what's going on first and left, as I was like 

um, uh, but, it hurts, uhh.....

 he walks out and I turned red with fire inside and call my mom upset and pissed off about that, and my parents are super alarmed by this possible blood clot and can't believe I am not being admitted. Of course I understand why they feel that way but at this point I just want to get the fuck out of this Misery-cordia hospital and home popping muscle relaxers or something.

Lucky for me they have a low dose codeine over the counter at London Drugs and a few of them have dulled the pain a little.

I am still mad about Dr. Jerky Fuckface and hope I can see him tomorrow so I can be more aggressive and force him to prescribe me some good painkillers so I can sleep, sit down without horrid pain and function until this is treated.

So there you go, you have shared in my misery yet again.

Like I said don't feel sorry for me.... well maybe a little.

So these damn Acetaminophen and Codeine pills have CAFFIENE in them, I just looked, and it's no wonder I am up and blogging, another wonderful thing about this day, wow.

So stay tuned to see what happens to my leg, when I got home and talked with Matt I said to him, 

What's next? 

They chop it off?

My poor right leg, it has been through the ringer, yes I feel sorry for myself.

Well, I am not going to end this entry on a miserable self-pitying note.

LINDSAY'S BOUTIQUE <3

Saturday Lindsay's mom hosted LINDSAY'S BOUTIQUE.

A few of her closest friends from over the years came to her apartment to take some little pieces of Lindz.

I made new friendships and shared some of my fond memories with Lindsay, told her mom Leslie stories about us playing soccer together and the silly things we would do, me as the brick wall goalie and her as the mean striker.

I took many things of Lindsay's I felt were meant for me, now that she is gone.

I found a necklace I gave her in high school, that was a little emotional, but everyone said I needed to take it home.

That girl had some very unique things, and some great movies and purses.

The group of us polished off a big bottle of Yager in honor of our Lindsay, and posed for a group picture of all of us with something of hers, and a shot of Jag.

I am the one in the giant sombrero, and I will be wearing it from time to time for parties to channel my lovely and hilarious friend Lindsay. 

We will never stop celebrating our friendship with you Lindsay.

There are no ways to explain how much you'll be missed, but I am comforted to have others that loved you just as much, and things of yours to always remind me of our sisterhood.

-E.

Today is Tuesday and Tomorrow is Wednesday

It's Tuesday.

Tuesday sucks. It's not Thursday, TV sucks, you can't do anything too exciting because it's a school night and tomorrow is only Wednesday, Tuesdays after work are for being domestic , cleaning, cooking, folding clothes, because I'll be too busy on the more prime days of the week- Wednesday through Saturday, to worry about the landfill's worth of laundry or taking out the garbage and washing dishes.

In a way it's good that at this point of my life I have some sort of structure and am perfectly capable of taking care of myself, though having Matt wash me with a rag on a stick sounds like a luxury right now.

Speaking of Matt and washing, since he's been gone I do less of that.

Ok, I'm not totally disgusting, but I worry less about smelling like a bag of onions because my husband isn't around.

No need for mascara on a lazy Sunday or running a brush through my hair from time to time, no, that becomes something I must do for work, and home alone my cats won't care if I don't shave my legs.

I know what you are thinking now, Erin! You've let yourself go now that you are married?!

Now now, I am just embracing a more European approach to grooming, ex., shaving, showering, hair washing...

Or I've just been too hot and lazy to care because makeup melts right off my face in this sweaty apartment. 

Thank the SuperDevil it is cooling off now with a little wind and rain, a thunderstorm coming through town, if it was still like a vegetable steamer in here I wouldn't be blogging, pshh, trust me, I was barely surviving this evening, just cleaning I became sweat soaked then cooking was foolish,  because it got hot as Hades balls in here for a couple more hours.

So why am I blogging today?

I guess because I have a sick need to share my thoughts with whoever wants to read, and I like to believe they all laugh and think I'm as fucking hilarious as I think I am.

Also to show you some pics!

I did promise Metallica pics for Sunday but I was much too hungover to pretend to be witty or interesting, I was too busy hating myself and a little something called Sour puss.

Cheeky pre-Metallica cab selfie, I'm like, yup, going to METALLICAAAAAAA

Found my friends, John, Seth, Chelsey, Amanda and her friend Lise, obligatory pre show photos

METAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLL

FUCKING METALLICA!

The quality of these photos of terrible.

I was too excited to take a proper picture.

Plus we were pretty much watching the show in outer space- last row in the house biiiiiiiaatch!

Me and Seth getting sweaty

Another poor quality pic of the stage. I can't remember what songs went with each crazy set, I guess you really just had to be there.

Amanda and I bonding over And Nothing Else Matters

How the night ended.

That sour puss got destroyed, but then it destroyed me.

When will I EVER learn my lesson with that stuff???

So there you go.

I plan on photo bombing again next week after I recover from:

MY 29TH BIRTHDAY PARTY WHOOOOP!

It's going to be a blast, sushi then gay bar, as usual.

It's kinda a birthday tradition in my friend family.

I have a sweet dress I bought in MTL and I haven't worn it yet, I'll have lots of friends around me showering me with gifts of shots.

I promise to thoroughly humiliate myself for your entertainment!

(Well, at least make fun of myself being drunk and silly.)

The good news is:

IT'S ALMOST WEDNESDAY!

And I like Hump day better than Tuesday.

It's the middle of the week and two days from the weekend.

I am usually in a dandy mood on Wednesdays, and into the full swing of work, plus there is always good TV on Wednesday nights.

Tomorrow is special because I get to see my Skin-Creeper Dr. Salopek, which is always a treat, and then dinner at my parents after, YAY! I don't have to cook.

So things are looking up already.

Now it's thundering, and that is the perfect way for me to fall asleep, 

so I've gotta hit the hay my shiny darlings. 

Thank you for reading.

-E.

First impression, best impression

So what kinds of people are out there?

I have always thought I am pretty good at reading people. I sense danger quickly, and every time I've gone against my intuition I have paid the price later on. Sometimes years down the road, but always pay for not listening to what I know in my heart. 

My first impression is often my last impression. 

But there are times when I let that person in my life, out of a need to "fix" or help others, I took in the strays that people warned others against. 

Now, I just can't believe that people are truly evil inside, or at least that they may have some evil but also lots of good to outweigh that bad. I really want to believe that inside everyone is good.

In high school I developed a bit of an anti-social attitude, stuck to my few friends in a small group and nothing more really. I think I was overwhelmed by the combination of high school math and balancing work and friends and violin and sports and I withdrew from the main social scene. Looking back on this I realize people probably just thought I was a snobby bitch and my attitude that I didn't care if they wanted to be my friend or not probably made them hate me more.

I don't really know.

Over the years I have had many friends come and go, and in my 20's I became a very social butterfly with hundreds of friends and just generally outgoing person. More friends you have, more deception and it can be hard when you are young to see who was your friend and who was using you and who was really your enemy.

I love my friends and treat all the same and would give them anything and do anything for them.

This sense of loyalty meant people took advantage of me and I may have not realized it until later on. 

I had tons of friends when I lived in Vancouver from 18-23, and where are they now that they can't come over and drink my wine and eat my food?

Yeah, exactly.

So I really have no one to back and visit. In a whole crowd of friends, I retained a friendship with one for about five years after I left there, she moved to Calgary and I back home to E-town. Now anyone who knows what a death of a friendship is like- it starts slowly.

You talk less, you text less, you stop making time to call, and visiting doesn't happen. 

Every once in a while, you get a text that says, "we need to talk soon!"

"I miss you!"

"How's it going?"

You may or may not even answer that text. Or you're driving somewhere and she calls.

Should I pick it up?

I'll call her when I get home.

Does this happen?

Well now the friendship is dying.

This particular friendship died on me last summer. 

Basically the whole story is much too long and catty, so I'll give you the short version, or as short as you can make a long story like but I won't leave out any gory details, no worries, I'll spare you no drama.

So basically, me and this girl, (we'll call her J-Tits, for obvious reasons if you've seen her) met in Vancouver and I didn't like her at first, and she didn't like me. I thought she was self absorbed and snobby. Somehow through being drunk and with others we managed to make peace and become friends. 

First I move to Calgary after 4 and half years in Van, then home to Edmonton in four months time.

Don't ask why I only spent 4 months there- that's a whole other blog entry.

I am home, and she is in Calgary, and we talked every day.

Well you'd think that if you were 3 hours away you could visit often, but in five years I visited twice a year 2 years in a row, once the next 3. How many times did she visit?

Not once.

Until I got engaged and she became my Bridesmaid.

How did she become my Bridesmaid?

Well I felt an obligation to ask her.

She also had assumed she was in the wedding party, saying to me, "OMG I CAN'T WAIT TO BE YOUR MAID OF HONOR!"

For all of you who have friends that are getting married, I urge you not to say this to a Bride. Planning a wedding is hard enough let alone having to decide who will be in your bridal party, or witnesses, she doesn't need the pressure from her friends to compete over maid of honour.

I had already made my long time sister in witchery KT my maid of honour, but Matt had two guys on his side so I needed another girl anyways, at the time I thought of my friend Jess here, but with pressure from J-tits I made her my Bridesmaid.

She came up here a month later to visit me for the first time.

After she spent one night, and texting two guys the whole damn time and talking with another on the phone in bathroom half the night she left the next morning.

Now during the next few months after this visit, I am diagnosed with metastatic melanoma, have surgery and start interferon. I spent a lot of time sleeping, and my wedding wasn't the first thing on my mind.


I had planned a simple wedding, and just wanted my ladies in black cocktail dresses.


I told her just to wear a black cocktail dress of her own choosing, and the first thing she said was 
"BLACK? This is a wedding! You can't have people in black!"


I said, well it's my wedding and that's what I want.


She made a big deal out of needing to see KT'S dress to match, so finally I sent her pics of her simple dress.


She was seemingly having a very difficult time with the fact that they weren't going to be completely matching, and kept asking to see more pics of this simple black dress.


When I was having chemo four days a week, I told her, and she said, like, not real chemo is it? For skin cancer? 


I'm like, yes, real chemo. Skin cancer is real cancer.


She acted concerned, but didn't seem to realize what was really going on.


I tell her I have to get better then I will let her know all the details, for now all she needed to know was the date of the wedding, where it was and what to wear.


Oh, and also that my bridal shower/staggette was the Saturday before the wedding.
I told her this months before hand.


So she kept calling me and saying she needed more details.
I kept saying, what details?


It was like, she wanted to know what colour of nail polish to wear and how to do her hair, all this, and I told her- whatever you want, J-Tits!


She said, well, this other bride I know is matching her nail polish to the cake and flowers.


I said to her, well you know me, and I don't give a fuck about those little details. 
It's my wedding don't worry about it!


So this went on until she was trying to get me to find her a hotel, and I asked her what kind of hotel, and she said something nice so I gave her the number to The Westin.
She scoffed like she wasn't capable of calling and making her own reservation.


I started regretting having her in my wedding party because A. she didn't seem to get what kind of wedding this was and B. she didn't seem to understand I was very sick from treatment and was questioning if I'd even have to postpone my wedding at the time, I could barely lift my hand to my face.


There was a lack of understanding happening here.


I started to tell friends I was regretting having her in my wedding party and some urged me to cut her loose, but I was like, no I'm too nice to do that...


Well she decided her own fate, as people often do.


So remember how I said the shower would be the Saturday before?


(You remember it and you only read that once. Congratulations.)


So a month before the wedding, I give Kt J-Tits' email to get in touch with her about the DEETS.


Kt wrote a very polite email to J-Tits that pretty much went like this, 


Hello,


This is Katie Erin's maid of honour. The wedding is coming up fast so we need to get going on shower plans. Erin wants her shower the week before the wedding, we can have the shower at my parents place and get some costco food and dollar store stuff. Let me know if you have any budget restrictions and we will see you soon!


Kt would say this isn't exactly what she said, but it is at least close.


Nothing offended me about this email, and Kt sent it to me to clear with her before she sent it.


I told her nope, that's fine, send it.


Well two days later I wake up to a shitstorm happening within my phone.


J-Tits sent me a text saying


CALL ME NOW YOUR FRIEND NEEDS TO STAY IN HER LANE


I'm like, huh, huh? Mm what? 


Then KT calls.


She's like, listen to this email I got back from J-Tits:


Um, I don't operate this way. I have been asking about this shower for months and now, just a few weeks from the wedding we are talking about a shower??? I can't even be there that weekend, I have my kid. My parents travel schedule has been laid out for the year, I can't cause I have to take care of my kid.


Then Kt, asked if she could write this back to her:


This is Erin's day, she told you the shower would be the week before, this isn't about you. A simple no would have sufficed, you don't have to be a bitch about it.


Then she went on the defensive and started texting me saying Kt was being a bitch and asking her for money, and if she had known she would have had a shower for me IN CALGARY, with all her friends and family.
Yes, she actually suggested I have my shower in CALGARY.
???
Yes. I told this dummy, J-Tits, why the fuck would I drag myself, all my friends family and grandmother to Calgary for a shower? And if you so wanted to put on a shower for me in Calgary, who was stopping you? This is the first I am hearing about a shower in Calgary.
She's like, well you could have had it months ago.
I'm like, dude, I was having surgery and chemo months ago.
I didn't exactly have the ability to party.


She also said she was coming the afternoon of the wedding, (and is notoriously very late) after she got her hair done in Calgary before she came.


I could just see her showing up for the ceremony late this girl is so disorganized.


I told her that wouldn't work, I wanted my Bridesmaids by my side, and the rehearsal dinner was the night before. Getting up here for my shower, and the wedding even was seemingly so difficult for her.


She claimed over and over again she didn't know that my shower was the week before, even though I had told her more than once.


All day it was back and forth, until finally, that was it, I kicked her out of the wedding party.
I can't explain how much better I felt after.
After I kicked her out she said well, I already bought a dress and a present.


Which is funny because she then emailed kt saying she didn't know what to wear and didn't have a good enough picture of the dress!


I catch her in a bunch of lies trying to cover her ass, but really just digging a hole for herself.


I was like, sorry but this isn't going to work out.
I have no choice but to replace you.


That was that, except she was in denial or something, kept just texting, I can't wait for the wedding!
OMG you're getting married!
It was weird.


I had to make sure she knew she wasn't a bridesmaid anymore.
So I said it a couple more times.


Finally around a week before the wedding, she says she is going to come anyways.


I was like, ugh, this is awkward.


But you gotta give it to her, she is removed from the wedding party a month before the wedding, and looks like an idiot to all involved, and she came and swallowed shit to do it.


We had a couple awkward moments during the reception, which weirdly enough she sat with the husband of the girl that replaced her and the husband of my m.o.h. KT, and she turned up the charm and tossed her hair and played dumb with the guys, adjusting her tits and pursing her over glossed lips like a duck.


Ridiculous and strange all around.


Well she even came to the gift opening the next day, and brought this present she had said she bought a month ago.


It was tea cups and a big glass candle jug thingy, with a pillar candle.


I made sure when I got home to check the gift receipt-
she bought it on the way into town at South Common the morning of the wedding.


Yet another lie.


So she ate crow to sit at my wedding dinner, but do we talk now?


No.


The last I heard from her was a couple months ago, when she sent me a picture of a diamond engagement ring going
"I'M GETTING MARRIED!!!"


Now do you think I said, "OMG I CAN'T WAIT TO BE YOUR MAID OF HONOR!!!"


...Nope.


That's the end. The friendship has been put to rest.


I wonder if I'll get an invite to the wedding of J-Tits and whatthefuckishisnameagainsomelawyerfromthestateswowitsnotadrugdealeramazing


So this all played out all year, and I am at peace with the current state of our friendship, non-existent.


A new Erin exists now- one that doesn't waste precious psychic energy on vampires.


Vampires come in many different forms, and J-tits was a vampire. 


I decided last year after my surgery for cancer, that was that, and I wasn't spending anymore energy on someone that only takes and never gives. I wasn't going to let them feed on my life force anymore.


FEWWW!


That was a long one. Well the moral of the story folks is- well, several things, but first off it is this- cut loose those who don't care. Those who are there in fair weather, but gone when the storm hits. Those who love you are those who matter. Don't waste your precious life force on people who are only there to drink your wine and eat your fruit.


Second it is this: Trust your first instinct about people. Most often the first impression is the strongest, and in my experience, the truest reflection of oneself.


-E.

Full moon and Friends

So I am just bumming around watching my favourite sitcom of all time- Friends, 

with rollers in my hair.

I am watching the episode where Ross sends Emily 72 roses, one for every day he's known and loved her, and she sends back mulch.

One of my favorites.

Another highlight of the episode is silly Rachel telling Monica she now makes all her decisions, then going on a date with a super hot 90's guy and dumping him for Ross.

(If you don't know Friends, I apologize, as I am sure this is confusing.)

Ross + Rachel forever

So for dinner tonight, I had "Green Curry". I was feeling lazy so I grabbed a premixed package of the sauce. Plus they didn't have the usual paste I use.
This stuff wasn't green, it was brown, and it burned the crap out of my mouth and stomach.

It wasn't horrible, but once it was ready I realized I forgot cilantro, which is one of the most important parts of the dish to me. It was a little disappointing I have to say.

At least I had my gigantic secret brownie stashed away on myself.
And I knew where that brownie was stashed.
I am still high on the chocolate-t goodness, and would totally eat another one, so it's good I don't have any more.

I am doing better with the cigarette cravings today, although earlier I was feeling pretty grumpy. Matt too. So I am just gonna keep watching Friends in my couch clothes. This one is from the classic era where Monica is still in love with Richard and Joey reads Little Women. Phoebe brings a date into the coffee shop and his balls hang out of his shorts. I am laughing.

http://youtu.be/rYJVo9v6MNI


I blamed the moodiness of today on PMS, but I suspect it is THE FULL MOON this evening.

Full Moon

 Wolf Moon

Man in The Moon



-E.

Queen of the random

http://youtu.be/pUAWRVy4q94

This has to be one of my favourite scenes in Friends of all time.

I just had to start with that.
Watch it and laugh.

I have installed at widget that is a chemo countdown calendar, at the top of my page.
It is exciting to look at for me.

I am currently anxiously awaiting some "presents" bought online.

 Saturday night after Elaine's party I had the brilliant idea to go buy a bottle of sake. Inspired by sake-drunk text messages from my dear friend John, I find my way to a bottle of Gekkeikan Sake, served warm.
Half way down the bottle I picked up my MacBook and started searching for the end of the internet.
That can result in a drunken online shopping spree.

Now I really didn't go completely insane, and I won't post em all until they arrive and I can put them on.

I did buy a couple things for the husband too, to distract from all the stuff I bought. ;)

This one REALLY excites me!

http://www.whitemagickalchemy.com/

KT introduced me to this site, and there is tons of cool stuff but I really wanted this cat kit!
It comes with Catnip and incense, and a pentacle collar! Seeing as I have two black cats I had to buy another for Sabbie, or she'd be jealous. They are going to look so mysterious and I will be posting pics when they arrive!

Another fun purchase, BPAL socks!

I am also awaiting my Friday the 13th oil, and my Krampus T-Shirt.

KT and I got the same shirt. We will be wearing them next Christmas.

So many creepy goodness' at:

www.blackphoenixalchemylab.com




BREAKING NEWS! KT FOUND OUT MY BLUES NAME!

TEXAS LEMON RIVERS

How delightfully trashy.

FIND OUT YOURS!

Wow, that was random.

Anyways, clearly today I have nothing profound to offer my readers, so I'll just entertain you all with random garbage.

Ah, Taylor Momson.
The wannabe Satanist.
What the hell can I say about this look that she doesn't already say in her coked up baby star face.

Brutal.

SCENES FROM MY LIFE TODAY

 NO MAKEUP EEEEEPPPP!!!

 SALEM THE VAMPIRE KITTY!!!

 TRYING TO BE COOL

 WAXING THE HUBS EYEBROWS, AND HE HAS A COUPLE OF FUZZY VISITORS!

 IGNORE THE CRUMBS ON MY PANTS, AND LOOK AT THE SWEET ONE OF A KIND BELT BUCKLE FROM BRIAN TIGHE! THIS MAKES ME A ROCKSTAR, OFFICIALLY.

 SEE HOW ROCKSTAR I REALLY AM?

 I'LL ADMIT I AM ON A SUGAR HIGH FROM THIS DELICIOUSNESS

THIS IS SUICIDE BUNNY! A GIFT FROM KT! SHE KNEW I'D LOVE HIM!

 NOTICING FOR THE FIRST TIME THERE IS A CAT BUTT ON MATT'S HEAD

AN AMERICAN SHORT HAIR CAT BUTT.

PRECIOUS.

Well, I am out of ridiculousness for the day.
This week includes one more client, an cone incense making class, a girls night AND my work staff party.

More adventures to document soon!

-E.