Bangor Mash and other important things

Today I accomplished many important, meaningful things!

I got to work on time, didn't hit anyone with my car, put up with a few customers egos's and a couple princesses, ate an inedible staff meal, made my moms lashes thicker and more luscious- one of the easier jobs of my easy day- watched several Real Housewives of New Jersey and even polished off a bottle of pink champagne, all by myself!

(Might I add that wasn't a difficult task, the pink champagne. No I am not alone, I'm with my cats!)

Wait, I also got two gigantic cookies in me so far, a third cookie is looking at dying a brutal death at the hands of a ravenous beast that could care less how fat they could make it, these fucking cookies days are numbered, more like hours, ok? 

DO YOU COOKIES UNDERSTAND ME, HOURS! THAT'S IT!

I also had a good FaceTime ConVo with my bestie best best best, J. Dixon of course, he listens and even embraces the beast that emerges from within me once a month, leaving a path of carnage in it's wake, not always intentional, even when I wake up after a 10 day rage and feel like a total asshole, John never lets me feel like an asshole or a bitch, just a fabulous lady.

At least I can admit the beast rules the universe once or ten times a month, the storms and natural catastrophes that happen during that time are probably caused by my PMS beast, raining Hellfire and destruction upon the Earth. 

I know what you're thinking:

That is so metal, yes, PMS makes me into the most intense Black/Death/Viking Metal band you've ever heard, yes, a one WOMAN band, with all 3 metal subgenres involved, kicking your ass over and over again.

I have become a master of my own PMS.

If this is sharing too much come back when I'm gardening or playing with children and puppies, but if you're still reading at this point you're in too deep to turn around now.

Here's the thing, I become INSANE once a month, certifiably, and this is known in my small circle but those who don't know that I am still insane every month have been fooled by my act, mission accomplished.

Well let me just BLOW ALL THAT UP right now with this declaration of insanity, I'lll sign and date it too.

I know I get moody on a regular basis but the few days and first week of the month can be ugly if I don't keep that beast in chains, Lord help those who believe he will save them from my wrath.

During my illness I either couldn't keep this beast in chains, out for blood flesh death etc., or I was just too tired to be angry or beastly and let my shell drain. 

Things are back in control for me so I feel like I can control this beast again, but the beast still lives. That is a good thing that I am ok with.

I suppose it's how you channel it.

What if I just lived in a world where everyone turned crazy every month, where I wasn't forced to just call myself a bitch for having hormones, because everyone in the world experienced the same things I did? I wonder this from time to time.

Also from time to time I do wonder, has this image of the devil worshipping evil c*nt- 

(The star instead of a U is for my mom just in case she's reading) 

-of a bitch created by men, like in medieval times, or during the salem witch trials, where all sins could be passed off to the evil woman with all her wiles and quirks and wisdom that just doesn't fit in with our male dominated society, and I keep up with tradition and burn myself over and over again secretly so I don't have to trouble those around me with a burning of their loved one at the stake by Men and young girls, or maybe I just do it for society as the female martyr that we need everyday so we don't have to be guilty. 

Ok this is getting a little deep here.

I apologize.

Actually I don't this is my godamm fucking blog, I can say whatever I feel like saying!

Yes, NO APOLOGIES!

So my major project of the evening is the pink champagne I 've been consuming since about 830, and this hip arthritis or whatever in fuck this shit is just disappears at first sip of booze, good thing, bad thing, you decide, laugh out loud.

Ok so this Oyster Bay Sparkling Rose is making me say things I'll regret tomorrow, kinda like those "Texts from last night" but in a blog shamelessly written for the world to see, my mental illness yet to be diagnosed.

So that's that, I'm going to leave you with that information and STFU, and show you some pictures, YAY!!!!

LIBATIONS!

DINNER #1

DINNER #2

FaceTime With my BesTie.

Can't figure out what I am doing with my fingers in this shot, or if that is even one of my fingers, I have no fucking clue honestly!

If you look closely you'll see a big black kitten on me.

It's a Devil Makes Three kind of night.
I don't have to say anything at all when I hear this band play.

Watch this now this band rules all.

http://youtu.be/KMNXndsE4wk

-E.