Laughing my way through all of it

I love the question,

How's things?

What things?

How's stuff?

Like, my stuff and things?

I'm sure they are fine.

So I get asked that often but usually go

Oh they are great

Even if they're not. 

Unless it's one of your besties and you're gonna poop all your garbage all over them and they "get you" then what are you going to say?

THINGS, STUFF, HMMMM

Well I can't complain I guess, I have all my limbs, I am not a prisoner of war, lucky for me I only have a few 1st world problems and the rest of it I should just shut up, because as this badass Ukrainian chick once said to me when describing her entire family being killed off slowly one by one, leaving nothing but her and her little brother, 

"There are worse things."

I thought, LIKE WHAT?

In a Ukrainian accent.

I wish I knew where this chick was now, she was so cool and badass.

She probably the first person to really get me to see how lucky I was to be a Canadian, and how much suffering and corruption there can be in this world.

Before cancer, I'd be in a bad mood over my hair, or rips in my tights at work, or some annoying customer and I complained A LOT.

I look back and think, sheesh Erin, you had it easy back then.

One of my biggest problems would have to be my overactive imagination, and sensitivity.

I try to look hard and stuff but I can be very sensitive to the thoughts and judgements of others. I guess the way I react when people hurt my feelings can be pretty harsh apparently, but those people don't talk to me anymore.

Oh.

MEH, THEIR LOSS.

Well, at this point I look very vague about what I am saying.

I guess right now I feel that flooding of feelings of all kinds.

A brand of sadness I've had running as an undercurrent my whole life on and off, a feeling of loneliness though I know I am not alone, a nervous excitement about the future and being back in school, the mini bits of fear about failure which is a good stress but a stress nonetheless, but then you mix in the fucked up feelings of the end of a marriage and the constant changing of the conditions of all that bloody mess, life after cancer and it becomes confusion, the most prominent emotion.

Now don't you start to worry about me, I am just fine, it's just life.

The confusion is what makes it so I don't really cry, I can't, I can but I can't also.

It's weird, I guess I reserve tears for makeup wrecking worthy issues- there aren't many of those, wrecking my makeup?!

Shit no!

I know that life isn't supposed to be easy and challenges come up sometimes more than we would like but if you hold on to the good and laugh through it I promise anyone can get through anything, even if it's just day to day shit.

There are days when I want to cry, but I try to laugh instead.

Sometimes both and I look like a loonie bin but it helps so much to laugh with friends when you are feeling down.

Sometimes when my head is muddled with too much everything and I can't even express my feelings I go get tattooed or pierced, like I did the other day, got my ears re-pierced with a gigantic goddamn 6 gauge needle and got little plugs that just look like button earrings, so I am not going to piss off my dad showing up at work with his nemesis, STRETCHED EARS!

Uh, maybe don't tell him they are stretched....

I like needle therapy.

When I was sick I had to get poked and prodded all week, for so long, and it something I couldn't control.

Getting tattooed and pierced is a needle I can control and has a nice result, like an amazing image not collapsed veins.

They are a little swollen and crusty, woke up with blood on my pillow, but I loves em.

Another form of therapy for me is head banging.

This is something us metal heads do, and a mosh pit is not what you think it is.

People always do their best not to intentionally hurt you though it can happen which adds to the thrill, and it is so fun to thrash out all your anger, and with the music that anger turns to joy.

So I did some serious damn head banging with some of my metal friends this last weekend, and I am still riding on a little high from that. 

EVIL CHICKS WITH DUCK LIPS!

SO YEAH. Back to LAUGHTER!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAH HAH AHAHAH AHAHAHA

I've tried a lot of shit to cheer up during all the harder times in my life, but nothing works like laughing with loved ones.

I am lucky to be surrounded by funny people to make stupid or disgusting jokes with and LAUGH with me.

Some decent wine and cookies don't hurt neither.

-E.