Today's news and a little advice

So I'll start with some cool news:

On March 28th I will be speaking at an event that Indoor Tanning Is Out Alberta is holding at Kingsway Garden Mall! Woooo! So my media "agent" or whatever she is to me, wanted a picture of me for the site, not like I haven't already sent them a million, but so many of my pics I have blonde hair or doing the old myspace angle, so I had Matt take a picture of me so it's up to date and stuff.

So yeah, I am super excited/nervous about talking to a group but I am more excited than anything. Over the years I have had to get up in front of lots of people to preform music and have also been in leadership roles that don't allow for shyness. 

You know how they say to picture everyone in their underwear? 

Forget that. 

What I have always done is this:

Tell yourself you are better than everyone in the room.

You are cooler and more interesting.

This may not be true, or at least not completely true, but if you tell yourself you're the shit and ain't nobody in this room that has jack on you, you'll have the confidence. That's what it's all about. You don't have to be snobby and mean, but it helps to just think, I RULE! THESE PEOPLE WISH THEY WERE ME! GIVE THESE PEOPLE WHAT THEY CAME FOR, A WICKED AWESOME DISPLAY OF COOLNESS AND ABILITY! 

I know, I'm ridiculous. But this works I swear, I've been doing it for years. 

So what else?

I am watching cops, drinking delicious and refreshing Perrier water and happily doing laundry.

I actually like doing laundry most of the time. I am good at laundry. It's one of my many wifely talents.

ANOTHER RANDOM FACT:

KT and I are going to be making some vanilla infused vodka to drink on our trip to ghost lake this May long, and I need vanilla bean for it and I have convinced the Sous-Chef to give me a few beans. YES! Oh my god I am going to be so deliciously intoxicated on that trip whoop whoop!

So with that I am going to get back to my screening of COPS. There are so really really fucked up drunks on this one. Lovin' it.

-E.

A bag of dirty snakes and a flashback

So in 35 days I will be finished Intron-a so I won't get complain anymore.

Now I have been up and down this entire year and sometimes it's just a flatline of shitty but survivable symptoms. Some people just treat me like normal Erin all the time, others seem like they feel sorry for me but everyone shuts up when I tell them I can't make it "because of my cancer" (or that is what Kt told me to say.) 

When I started interferon I thought I didn't want to use my disease as a crutch, or as an excuse to not do something. But I will admit after a while you give up trying to convince people that you're ok and they are going to feel sorry for you anyways, so you might as well take advantage of the downtime and special allowances for you, since you are on cancer treatment.

A little while back I had a conversation with a young man who will remain nameless on this blog, discussing my current condition and the whole cancer thing.

He was very drunk and he was slurring, I doubt he would even remember this conversation, and he goes 

"Erin, lets get real here, you have a very serious disease."

I was like, you sound like my doctor _."

He was all drooly practically, so smashed, and he goes again

"But lets face it, you have cancer and it's not in remmission.."

"Well according to my doctor I am cancer free right now."

I say.

He responds with a drunken question mark in his tone, and then says

"But you still have the cancer"

I'm like

"I am hoping not."

He's like 

"But again, Erin, this is a deadly disease. Holy fuck I'm drunk. But you're gonna make it you're gonna make it."

I was like, "Thanks buddy that means a lot."

People don't always understand cancer and what it does. It is quiet and lurks in dark corners in your body and can come back after they say it's gone. But cancer can spread far and more and more people are surviving late stage cancers, but the problem with melanoma is you usually only get one chance to make sure that you catch the cancer, before it is a sure thing that you will die. Sad but so true.

It's a sneaky bitch, but so am I. 

Now anyways, on to the complaining.

So last night I had my Monday shot, and started to feel weird by 12, then took pills and managed to sleep until about 6 when I woke up with intense muscle and bone pain from my toes to my shoulders, more pills, back to sleep until 330!!! Didn't even open my eyes until then. I had to have been at my Grandma's to do her pedicure at 230, and I apparently shut off my alarm clock at one and the backup for 2pm, Jesus, it is alarming in itself to see 330 and not have even heard a loud siren of an alarm I have on my phone.


So I call my Grandma and she says, 
"Are you on your way dear?"
I'm like,
"No Grandma Frannie I just woke up! I didn't even hear my alarm clock. I am so sorry."


She laughs and goes 
"That's just fine deary we will try again next Monday"
My G-Fran rules.


The old Erin wouldn't sleep till 330 and totally miss an appointment, but this lesser version of Erin has to sleep SO HARD she can't even wake up. It is crazy the way it happens, but I am getting used to it. Most days after my shot I sleep quite a long time, anywhere from 11-14 hours. One thing that happens too is I feel wired off the shot for a while so I can't even sleep sometimes and then I crash hard for hours and hours. I should've known when I felt those muscle and bone pains that I would be sleeping all day. Lately my side effects have been a bag of mixed snakes. Sneaky and unpredictable snakes. Dirty snakes. Mean bitey snakes. 
Just a bag of stupid snakes. 


I have also been having those damn headaches ALL THE TIME it's like I have a constant headache. Luckily they aren't quite as bad as when they first started up before Christmas that brought me into the Cross for a brain scan. The lady got me on the table under some crazy super futuristic head scanner thingy and asked me if I had any questions, and I said "Yeah, can I get a copy of the image of my brain?"
She laughed and said they'd just be emailing the photo to my doctor and he could show me on the computer. They don't do film anymore.


I was like "damn snap! Ok."


Disappointed, they took some pics of my brain.


Amazingly, they said I was normal. No tumors. I knew it but still my head hurt.


I said, "Look people, these Tylenol extra strength isn't cutting it right now. My liver is pissed at me and you for treating it like the city dump. I need T3's."


He wrote me up a prescription for the T3's and that was that, and the headaches persisted a while before they finally stopped. Now they are back again, but super sporadic and quick, searing pain for a few minutes and disappearing again. 


Guess who gets to have another brain scan?
Lucky me I know.
The chances that it is cancer are quite slim, mainly because I had my melanoma on my lower extremities and it is very rare that they spread to the brain, it's too far away. Another tip to people with moles, if a mole on your head or neck changes, get it checked out RIGHT AWAY because if it is malignant it can quickly spread to the brain. You don't want this. Obviously.


So yesterday was a particularly head ouchie kind of day, so I called up the cross nurses to get Smiley (my oncologist is named Dr. Smiley. He specializes in melanoma and lung cancer.)
I spoke with the triage nurse and she asked me all the usual questions and then she was like, "so you want more t3's or do you want something else?"
I am like, uh, sure, something else, whatever... I just want the headaches to stop.
She's like, ok I'll get something for you ok dear?
Ok, thanks!
I get a call from the imaging peeps, who are always super funny and upbeat somehow, for another look see in my skull.


Anywho, I still haven't heard back about the drugs, but in the meantime, I forgot I had some prescription for Ibuprophen 600's lurking in my jewellery box,  found those and I was like SCORE!
They work pretty well.




I should be in a horrible mood considering my day, which I am not finished complaining about yet, but somehow I am in good spirits. It could be the fact that Twister is on Tv and what's his name in it is looking pretty handsome, in a hot tornado hunter kind of way.

I just love the hell out of a man with hairy arms, don't you?
(Helen Hunt can get the hell out of here though, she's kinda horsey.)

Oh I'm terrible. Hehehe. It gives me joy.


So here's another thing that could have made me lose my shit today. I go to John's and Danette, his awesome sister and my new best friend chops my hair off, we all go crazy over it, I'm so excited and loving it and then I am lured into my car with promises of dinner from my husband and get in, apparently slammed my key in the ignition and can't get it in and check and I have broken the fucking key right off! 


I'm like, WHAT. THE. FUCK.


First thing I do is call Matt, I am like, "honey..."
I explain and he drops what he's doing to come check out the scenario.


Times like these I am so thankful that I have a handy husband. I love my father but he didn't' seem to ever be that handy. I think he preferred to pay someone to do it for him to save him the pain in the ass and a plethora of colourful language, and overall compromised workmanship.


My amazing man got the piece of key out of my ignition and we then went to Canadian Tire and a Matt went in and said he needs someone who is really good at cutting keys and I guess some Newfie bitch manager starting going "We don't cut broken keys, you gotta go to a locksmith" in her newfie accent, and a girl begged her manager to cut it, and she let her, all reluctant and bitchy mean lady. 


Well it took a while but she got something nearly identical to it.
Matt jimmies it in and starts the car!


Yay! I drive shitbox home, and then Matt gives me a tutorial on how to jimmie it in and out.
Ugh I hate tutorials. I love my man but damn I hate when he tries to teach me something that you just have to get a feel for, and if you're frustrated, it's much harder to do.
"BAH! I CAN'T DO THIS."


I just give up and call it a locksmiths job. 

I will have to get this fixed post haste because I am a car person now. 
Without a car I ain't goin' no wherez. NO WHEREZ.

So anyways, go ahead and feel sorry for me now. Another thing, and some people may think this is a terrible thing to say, but since this is my blog I'll say it, I totally don't mind if you would like to use my cancer as a cop out please feel free! Just say, I can't, my friend Erin has cancer. Just do it. It would make me laugh so hard. Why not exploit the disease if it is mine? I can do what I want with my own "diagnosis" which at the moment is ok, other than a few little annoying things, but some people just want to believe you are much sicker than you are, and you can try and explain it to them but they just don't really get it.


That's my extremely long rant for the night. If you haven't seen my hair chop yet, scroll down to my entry, CHOP!


I am relieved it is done and I am in love with the ends. I want to do a little photoshoot for it, and I've got a great girl friend Rachelle of Crave Photography https://www.facebook.com/cravephoto I call Randy who will be the lady for this one. I think I want to do something super edgy in a downtown alley, or something romantic and pretty in her cool loft. Haven't decided yet. I find getting pretty pictures done makes you feel good about yourself, so why not. I enjoy modelling, and it all goes back to having to model in photography class all through high school. It's kinda cool to have nice or interesting pictures of yourself. There are several hanging in my apartment I gave to my husband. I like to look at them. Vain I know. I love being vain. Here is some throwback pics from a fun shoot with a girl I'd love to shoot with again. Miss Jenna Kiernan of J. Kiernan Photography. Heart.

So this one was taken in the graveyard across the street from me. It was so fun to shoot in there, and indulge my dark metal side.

Love this one cause it showcases my tat, that I put in 16 hours in total of pain with no drugs and my dear friend Jess worked so hard on to make the beautiful piece of art I'll have on my body forever.

Then we went out to New Serrepta, if you don't know where that is, don't ask me, like an hour out of Edmonton. We drove down a farming road and found this awesomely abandoned farm house with a couple small barns and a bunch of crazy shit, like this rocking horse and children's stories scattered all over the floor, toys and garbage. It was CRAAAZY but so cool. We talked about coming back there and having a party, but that hasn't happened.

Here I am with one of my favourite blades, a stabby Finnish number I keep in secret places in case I ever need to stab a crazy person that breaks into my apartment. I think of these things, yes.

Just before the storm...

In my eyes I'm far away


Thanks for reading about me everyone. Time I hit the sack.


-E.

CHOP!

CHOP!!!

This is the haircut I was so afraid to get, but I think it's much cuter than the dead pieces of straw I had floating around my head. I am kinda liking it.

-E.

Snowy night, Goodbye Charlen and TOMORROW....

This is what is happening outside right now. I love it, so beautiful.

GOODBYE CHARLEN

:( Sadly, my friend Charlen had to go back to Germany last Friday. We bonded lots over the last few months, had a couple all nighters with champagne and tons of giggles. (Cackles.) She managed to get back into Edmonton the night before our wedding, and was able to attend our rehearsal dinner. Totally amazing. She is a true and big hearted friend that I am proud to call my girl. 

We hope she can come back in a year, but it is hard to say when she will be back.

So we gathered for a while to send her off, with Thai food and Black Tower table wine.

I made everyone pose in a group shot. They loved it.

Me with the gang and SABBIE LASER EYES!

Did some dramatic lashes on Miss Charlen to take home with her.
We will miss you girl, you were our friend Oakland's very favourite girlfriend, and we had fun together you and I and with the boys as a group. I will miss our parties and can't wait to have a big one when you get home again. 


LOVE YOU MY DARLING!!!!

A random pic of Princess Sabbie being fed meat by her drunk daddy

SABBIE CAT!!!!


Well that was a random burst of photography about a variety of different subjects. I guess that is a testament to my state of mind these days...


IN OTHER NEWS


HAIRCUT TOMORROW!!! URGHHRTHYMMMMMMMEEEEP!


That's the noise I feel like making.


I know I have to cut this garbage excuse for "hair" off and walk away, just grow it back once treatment is over, but I haven't had a serious haircut in quite a while. Bottom line is, I prefer my hair on the long side. I've had all kinds of haircuts, but longer is better on me, or so I think.
At least my hair will start growing again a few months after treatment ends, and I hear it can come back a different colour of straighter, or curlier. I could end up with thick brown curls, or maybe it will be disappointing and come back thin and straight. We will only know in a year or two. I hope for the thick and curly option.


So I do plan on unveiling the hair anyways, though with all the fake hair I wear I doubt you'll see it much. I am just hoping it is a little healthier and can have nice ends again. 


Anyways I could talk about hair forever but I won't and will get y'all some pic-a-tures tomorrow night. Really I should get to bed cause it's late and theres nothing on TV but the Dog Whisperer. That's my cue.


-E.

Crowns of Creation plus wedding photos

So today I had fun modelling for my friend (and creator of my fabulous wedding portraits) Kef, with 8 other girls for his annual shoot

"Crowns of Creation"

Here is one picture that he's leaked as a teaser.

(Yes we are in Ruth's Chris.)

Kefkism Design <3

Oh man I am always in awe of this evil genius's work. He has a vision for his art and will stop at nothing to make his ideas come to life. A truly awesome artist.

Here is a random bunch of wedding pics Kef did for me, for those who haven't seen them yet.

My favourites are in here as well as some other random snaps.

(These are mostly to show my cuz Alicia! Loves ya girl!)

So there you have it folks, Kef  made my wedding photos more than I could have ever imagined, and we will have them forever to remember our special day!

Today was a good day. On good days I try to not let my symptoms bother me, so I'll wait till tomorrow to complain about my worsening shitty symptoms.


I somehow got up SUPER early this morning so I am quite exhausted now, I think I am just going to watch some Dudesons and go to bed.


-E.

Birthday Shout out to my Husbian

Happy Birthday to my husband Matthew.

As I promised, here is the story of our meeting and courtship.

Now I was 23 years old, about 5 months out of a long long relationship, no more details there, and in school for aesthetics. One night a couple 18 year old girls that were in my class wanted to hit a bar or ten, they were from small towns and wanted to see some real city bars. 

I took them to Whyte and we went to several places including the Black Dog and then I suggested The Commercial Hotel, otherwise known as Blues on Whyte.

They didn't know anything about this establishment, and if you don't, basically it is a hotel with a dirty bar at the front, where you can dance like a crazy blues hippie to some of the best musicians out there. 

There are a lot of older folks, bikers, old biker bitches, some rough looking folks, blues hippies, local personalities, musicians, young people, and even teachers from my high school- (one time I saw a former boyfriends dad high on drugs and shirtless dancing like a maniac at a Rockabilly show. It was grand.)

All kinds of people thats for certain.

So I get these girls in the bar, we go looking for a table.

As soon as I started looking around I can feel someones eyes on me, and look down and see Matt and his best bud, Slimbo (John) and Matt is grinning from ear to ear with an almost goofy smile. A very cute but serious ear to ear smile. I was a little wary of men so I kinda smiled but also rolled my eyes a little.

Aha! We spot a table right next to the stage. 

The three of us sit down and it took 30 minutes to get a waitress. We finally got our tray of tequila shots and a $10 jug of shitty beer and started partying. 

Pete Turland was playing his hot brand of Rockabilly git-tar, and though I don't usually go to Rockabilly shows I happened to be at one of the better musicians shows that night and I had a great time.

We are sitting there drinking, and Tia goes to me, "Erin, that guy in the shirt with the flowers on it is staring at you."

I turn around and see that big ear to ear smile and I laugh a little, but also see that this man is quite handsome. 

I am like "Oh no creepy."

Still, I was suddenly interested. 

So like I said before, smoking has brought me together with many people over the years, and me and the girls I was with were smoking, so we went into the little smokers cage in the back. 

Matt and Slim are smoking too, of course, and Matt doesn't waste any time sliding in next to me and charming me. I said I was cold and he opened his jacket to keep me warm.

I told him he just wanted to touch me.

He was acting coy but smooth, and asked me to dance with him.

I said, "I don't dance." With a smile.

He smiled and went inside.

He went inside and started charming a 40 year old scenester, and suddenly I was jealous. 

Ten minutes later I am going back out and motioned to him to come with me.

He smiles and follows me, and leaves the old lady he was charming, all jealous and giving me the stink eye.

Talking with him I felt already like he was an old friend. A kindred spirit.

Once I was sufficiently charmed the bar was closing and the night ended with me giving him my number, and me and these girls dashing down the ave freezing our inappropriately dressed asses off.

He made me wait 3 days.


Just when I thought, he called the 40 year old instead, he calls me up.


The first thing I notice about Matt is his booming voice.
It was low and loud.


He asked me to go for coffee sometime.


I was like? Ok, not dinner, coffee, sure.


Well I am going to post the best way to describe this date, Miss Kt Karpetz's speech to me at my wedding.

Hi everyone my name is Katie and those of you who know me, will know that I am not a fan of speeches so I am going to try and make this quick.

Erin and I have know each other since we were in brownies, we did not really start hanging out till about grade 10. Erin would come over eat all the jujubes, all the sugared cereal, all of the dads oatmeal cookies, and then proceed to drink the pickle juice straight out of the jar. Once she was finished eating anything that resembled sugar or salt she would leave.

Erin & Matt's first date was at Muddy Waters Coffee Shop, and I my friends was a part of it. Erin had just moved back from Vancouver and was slowly reintroducing herself into the dating scene. She called me that night in a panic, "KATIE I HAVE A DATE AND I DON'T KNOW IF HE IS A PSYCHO I NEED YOU TO BE THERE" OK I thought I don't mind being a buffer, little did I know, I would end up being a buffer for two guys instead of one.

I arrived at the coffee shop and Erin rushed out to tell me that Adam our old Jr. High friend was there and would not leave, now Adam is a nice boy, but he is also one of those people that had smoked a wee bit tooo much marijuana in high-school and was still baked 6 years later. Erin kept telling him that she was meeting a guy for a date and Adam would just not leave.

I stayed there until Matt arrived, decided he was not an Axe Murderer and because I love Erin so much, I told Adam that I just had to see his new apartment, he was excited, as we walked there he kept telling me about his guitar, and songs he had written. I went there and had to listen to him strum his guitar and mumble wail about God knows what for a half an hour. I can't remember how I escaped but I did..

I totally took one for the team.

Erin & Matt you guys better be together forever because I can never, ever, ever, buffer Adam again.

All the best & Congrats


Best speech ever.


So basically that's what happened. Goddam Adam wouldn't go away, and I needed KT to bail me out cause I actually liked this guy.


So we got on so well that night that he asked me to go for dinner with him the coming Saturday.


He took me to the Lingnan for Chinese, and from that night onwards I was his.


The two of us have been through a lot together, ups downs and all arounds. We did split up for 5 months due to issues we couldn't resolve at the time.


Matt found a way to get back in my heart and marry me.


He took care of me all year and shot me up with medicine 3 times a week. He watched me lose 20 pounds during my IV chemo treatment. He helped me walk after my surgery. He is special because there are a lot of men who would leave, not wanting to be burdened. Not my guy.


We have so much fun together and have been known to party until we can't even stand together, and we love nature, music and our cats. This guy is my everything, the centre of my universe and the best husband a girl could ask for.


Love you honey pot, Happy Birthday #32 and our first as a married couple.


May we enjoy many more together during our life as husband and wife!


(Corny me. There's the birthday shout out to my hubs.)

-E.

Just a quickie

Just a couple quick things before bed.

A lovely gift from my dear KT, a Baphomet pill case, every member of the "Blondetourage" have one. I keeps my drugs in it.


I also want you to check this out and pass it on to that friend of yours who is going to Mexico and trying to build up her/his base tan.


http://www.newswire.ca/en/story/925761/base-tans-are-a-myth

-E.