A cancer poem

I don't usually post my poetry because it is usually a very personal thing for me.

My online persona is more of a dark clown, but sometimes inside there are dark holes and I fill them with words.

I've been writing poetry since I first fell in love with it at age 12.

I have never stopped writing poetry and went from diaries and books to writing all my poems and storing them on my computer, seldom letting anyone read them...

I don't always read all of them more than once.

I always have a few I revise and perfect then read from time to time.

I thought I would share a poem with y'all I wrote during a very uncertain and scary time of my cancer treatment. It brought a few tears to my eyes tonight to see how I saw my illness and the fear surrounding it, but it also gave me comfort to see where I was then to where I am now, and the poem foretold what I had yet to understand.

 I would like to think I am now above the trees, but not necessarily home.

 This one was written around April or May of 2011.

The dark forest

There is a forest I know

at least some parts of it

It is surrounded by tall mountain peaks

The trees all look the same and it is too dark to follow your breadcrumbs

The wolves howl off in the distance and my naked body stays quietly before darting in one direction to the next

Hiding beneath deep dark brush

There is a sappy stickiness in the air

At times it is hard to breathe

Thorns and snares cut me all over but soft moss is around

To sleep

To rest

To die

Where do I lay my head tonight

Deep in the dark forest

Where bears wander down off the mountains that encase me

Deep in the thick

Where do I run tonight when it is so dark

When can I lie down and wait for the bears to come

When can I live above the trees above the blackness

A snowy day arrives and light spills in

There is nothing left but white I move through and into it

My frozen skin is warmed by this light and the mountains all around become so visible

So high up beyond the trees

I can see where I am for the first time and though it makes me sick it lights up my feet and I push I run I carry on and on

It is those mountains I can see that will be the most challenging 

The dark forest is frightening but somehow comforting

The mountains are dangerous and more violence and fear await but I ask myself

How else do I get home

I head towards the snowy peaks with the knowledge I am going to war

-E.