Bragging and other stuff!

I don't want to brag but...OK I DO:

DUDE! I'M AN A STUDENT!

(And not in beauty school, which I was, like obbbvvvvvssss)

I've been able to keep a 90% in my first course, and thought, hmmm I'm going to get into this slowly... but tonight the ol' Mastercard took a beating registering for the next two to start at the same time. I'm busy, but NOT BUSY ENOUGH G'DAMMIT!

Paying your way through school is a little painful, but it is a serious investment in your future. I love my job but to be honest with you I don't want to deal with Restaurant egos for the rest of my life. I love my career mainly because I love working with people.

At this point after all these years I sell my soul everyday to go the extra mile for jerks, just for money reasons, that sounds bad... I mean the corporate sharks that want a cheap buffet for their investor clients. BAH. 

The rest of it, I love! I get to make my own menus, count money- a weird obsession I developed over time, I have a certain neuroticism about counting money, and some think it is strange that I count it backwards for the second count.

I guess everyone has a little O.C.D.

I have to work with people.

My years as an aesthetician I was their vault, where they'd come and vomit all their dirty secrets all over me, which I obviously enjoy and allow fully from my clients, stories about sleeping with the handyman cause their husband couldn't get it up for 20 years, middle age internet dating stories from older single clients, clients venting about their children and dropping out of University, moving out, wanting a BMW, blah blah blah.

I got used to working with peoples bodies and "acting" as I call it, because you have to convince them they are beauties but just need a "tweaking" and usually I believe that is totally true but you can't cover up the ugliness inside some people no matter how much makeup you put on em or how much fucking hair is waxed off their bodies they can still be just ugly, but painted. When you are a beautician you HAVE to make all the procedures 10 out of 10 but that doesn't always cover up the nasty, like gross feet for example...
*SHUDDER*

I guess I am ready for a new level with humans, with people around me, with myself.

Psychology is the only answer and ignites a passion inside me, and as I read and study I realize how much of this I have been fascinated with my entire life, and I guess my sick year made me change my attitude about life, and gave me a drive to give back and help others. I also have a new attitude that it is true that if we don't take risks in life we are only making it a little safer for ourselves on the road to death.

I am definitely ready for a new chapter.

So enough bragging, I wish all of you had blogs so I could see what all of you are doing, and what you have to talk about. 

I wonder if people aren't laughing with me when I write this, but to be honest with you I don't really care much if anyone but myself thinks it's funny, very narcissistic of me, sitting here laughing at my own dumb jokes, well, I would say I can be more deadpan and so some do not get it, they just write me off as a psycho.

WHATEVS!

NEXT:

I am totally copying my rad sister cousin Alicia Glavac with this one, love ya babe thanks for the inspiration!

I propose to you, since I am out of things to say today and need some inspiration and to not look like a selfish bitch prattling on and on about myself , ask me ANYTHING on my comment bar and I will write an entry for you.

I have no idea how many people will do it.

It can be whatever, a question, a quandary, or a quip!

Whatever the fuck a quip is....

It'll be like some twisted Anne Landers advice, Hex style.

MEOW!

-E.

A couple glasses of wine and a bottle of hair dye

Got bored, changed my hair colour!

New life, new hair.

I didn't have the guts to go JET BLACK so I chose a more "natural" black. Over my intense wine coloured red- which I enjoyed a lot and will probably one day rock it again, but I feel like being darker and darker, and red gets annoying the way every time you wash it it fades more and more.

That's my Saturday for ya. Not much more than a couple glasses of wine and a bottle of hair day.

Good enough for me.

-E./

TV jerks

Watching yourself on TV is fucking insane.

Here's my longest interview to date.

I have a whole bunch of problems with some of the angles, gah, it is sometimes hard to look for me, I guess I am my worst critic.

I watched it a couple times and I'm good.

Now you can watch it! Again? Or the first time!

http://video.citytv.com/video/detail/2179544198001.000000/tanning-controversy/

Notice how big I make my links? That is so the whole entry revolves around you watching it!

Hehe!

It was great to speak again. 

Some trials in my life have prevented me from my activism with skin cancer and tanning, but I'm back at 'er.

I had a lot of great response, but some jerks on the FaceBook page where they posted the headline after my interview, some of them said terrible sick things about me in general, there was personal comments made and things about me deserving to die for my vanity.

JERKS.

I've got worse words I'll save for your faces.

Well you jerks I've got a song for you!

I got the version with the lyrics for extra emphasis just in case some jerk says they don't understand metal vokills.

http://youtu.be/kv3eg_ZROeQ

-E.

A cancer poem

I don't usually post my poetry because it is usually a very personal thing for me.

My online persona is more of a dark clown, but sometimes inside there are dark holes and I fill them with words.

I've been writing poetry since I first fell in love with it at age 12.

I have never stopped writing poetry and went from diaries and books to writing all my poems and storing them on my computer, seldom letting anyone read them...

I don't always read all of them more than once.

I always have a few I revise and perfect then read from time to time.

I thought I would share a poem with y'all I wrote during a very uncertain and scary time of my cancer treatment. It brought a few tears to my eyes tonight to see how I saw my illness and the fear surrounding it, but it also gave me comfort to see where I was then to where I am now, and the poem foretold what I had yet to understand.

 I would like to think I am now above the trees, but not necessarily home.

 This one was written around April or May of 2011.

The dark forest

There is a forest I know

at least some parts of it

It is surrounded by tall mountain peaks

The trees all look the same and it is too dark to follow your breadcrumbs

The wolves howl off in the distance and my naked body stays quietly before darting in one direction to the next

Hiding beneath deep dark brush

There is a sappy stickiness in the air

At times it is hard to breathe

Thorns and snares cut me all over but soft moss is around

To sleep

To rest

To die

Where do I lay my head tonight

Deep in the dark forest

Where bears wander down off the mountains that encase me

Deep in the thick

Where do I run tonight when it is so dark

When can I lie down and wait for the bears to come

When can I live above the trees above the blackness

A snowy day arrives and light spills in

There is nothing left but white I move through and into it

My frozen skin is warmed by this light and the mountains all around become so visible

So high up beyond the trees

I can see where I am for the first time and though it makes me sick it lights up my feet and I push I run I carry on and on

It is those mountains I can see that will be the most challenging 

The dark forest is frightening but somehow comforting

The mountains are dangerous and more violence and fear await but I ask myself

How else do I get home

I head towards the snowy peaks with the knowledge I am going to war

-E.

Sunday Brain

YES! Another hangover Sunday is upon me.

This time it is due to birthday celebrations for my friend Jess or Jessor as I like to call her, beer and shots and darts and shots and beer, and some of E-towns very finest folks.

GERRRRDDD.

Was too involved in Beer to take pictures, which is probably a good thing, seeing as how when I got home last night I looked like yesterdays hooker.

I am now trying to study but finding myself too lazy to read properly so I put the books down. Today is the Black Sabbath and it is to be spent cuddling my kitties and being a lazy slag, watching stupid youtube vids and eating everything I can get my greasy mitts on.

This is my brain at the moment:

Homer Simpson and I have a few things in common- we both sold our souls for a donut, we both say D'OH a few times a day and both have that same dumb monkey banging cymbals in our heads.

Well that is of course when I don't have a million things in and out of my brain in a few seconds time, the brilliant thoughts I have that disappear as quickly as they come, the distracting voices that tell me to burn things, the over analyzing of near everything, the music that is playing somewhere in there and the inner dialogue I have going constantly- that isn't me today.

Oops, ignore the part about the voices... and the burning of things....

So from time to time I like to let that monkey bang away.

IN OTHER MORE IMPORTANT NEWS:

So I have realized lately I haven't been too active in the melanoma/anti-tanning community, but the other day I got a call from my oncologist and as you can imagine I am like- ummmm why was he calling me......

I listen to the message- didn't get it until the next day after working all night V-day, and he got a request for an interview on Breakfast TV on City TV from the head of the Canadian Cancer society with a melanoma survivor who used tanning beds- so he called me up, and then I spoke with the head cancer lady and I am to be interviewed Thursday morning about my experience with cancer and tanning, and the horrid disease melanoma that followed my use of tanning beds and not protecting my skin in the sun.

I am pretty excited about it, and looking forward to getting a chance to get my message out once again.

So I've decided I am the cancer rock star of western canada, yup, cancer made me famous! 

Well that's a little fucked up isn't it?

Laugh out loud.

 OK back to that cymbal banging monkey, I gots to shove something meaty and starchy in my mouth.

Love y'all, see ya on TV!

-E.

CHANGOS DEPREVADOS!

STUDY BREAK BLOG POST!

I MUST BE BRIEF!

So obvs I love YouTube, for the music but also to watch other mind numbing shit like animals being silly, zip popping, pole vaulting accidents, ya know.

Here is what I consider the most hilarious funny animal video compilation on the net, period. I laughed my ass off.

You have to watch the whole 9 1/2 minutes.

My favourite is the ostriches, the dog/woman rape scene- yes, the monkeys and...

Well just watch.

http://youtu.be/oGGR-F1XHm8

-E.

Let's make a Chartreuse.

HANGOVER SUNDAY M'GAWD!!!

So last night an old friend of mine going back to the Mckernan days Steph came over to catch up and party a little.

Well a little turns into a lot when little Steph who is like mini and always has been, whips out a small bottle of Chartreuse. 

I was like, UH OH.

A couple shots of that and we are shitfaced and get into the subject of elementary and Jr. High school, which we were in the same class for 10 years together, the French immersion crew.

We both shared our memories of the time, and we both remember a certain core of people in our class who were horrid to others, and of course Steph and I were caught in the middle at times or the ones left out, and that school left us with some of the best and worst memories of our lives.

Girls are terrible to each other, downright evil right from the start. 

I feel a little less scathed primarily because of the attitude I developed by Jr. High which was pretty much -UMMM, FUCK YOU.

I became somewhat of an infamous dark outsider that could get along with most everyone but really wanted to just get out of that school to a different crowd of people, people more like me.

It's funny how things go full circle and we end up back where we came from, with old friends that have always been there even though you didn't even talk to them or you lived in a different city, other things going on that pull you apart, but that we always have them in our memories and a friendship is kept alive through those memories.

Love it.

Anyways I used some herbal smokables, Powerade, peanut butter and some espresso to make me feel less like dying and perhaps like studying, maybe cleaning up my act, I think that smell I smell is me...

One cool thing that happened the other day is February 4th two years ago was my first surgery and technically marked my remission, since the second surgery was done to check for more cancer and there wasn't any left, basically lets take all this shit out of your leg to be sure, and no you can't have your lymph nodes back!

Anyways, back to whining about being hungover as fuck, if you want to know what the worst hangover in the world feels like drink a bottle of Chartreuse with a mini powerhouse chick, it's fun but the next day you will be remorseful.

I am nesting quietly with my laptop a pack of smokes and some hummus, somehow it is making me feel great, behold the power of the hummus and nan.

This week brings work, late night study sessions, and tomorrow a lashes for designer orange cream cupcake trade with an old coworker.

Yup, I will work for cupcakes now, and I could give a fuck less how many more pounds I gain!

I know you would too, that is work for cupcakes, my wicked cuz Alicia Glavac!!!

Such a delicious currency!

I need to rock out now! Here's my band of the day, one of my all time favourites,

FINNTROLL!!!
Their shows always get metal heads dancing.

http://youtu.be/tEzuxkkGyWQ

-E.

Lay all your love on me

I've probably posted this on me blog before, because:

1- I fucking love Abba.

2- I sing and dance to every song.

3- This is a beautiful song in my opinion, fun too.

Don't go wasting your emotions, lay all your love on me.

http://youtu.be/BWI2bTckbgc

-E.

Punchy and Ragey

Punchy AND Ragey.

Ok, so since this is my blog and I get to say what I want, here goes a rant about today, and someone with NO TACT, or manners, or just basic human respect.

Now I know it's kinda cheap of me just to bitch about someone without fully calling them out, but if this person reads this:

#1

I don't give a shit.

#2

It's not like I didn't already say this to this persons face.

#3

Cheap or not this be maaa blog and again I have freedom of speech.

If you don't like it start your own blog called I hate the girl from Hex in the city.

#4.

No apologies, scathe always.

So this particular person asked me to join their soccer team, as goalie.

I told this person when we would talk about soccer all I ever played was goal.

This person also knows I can't run anymore because of my leg and hip, therefore I can't play out. I had chunks of my muscle taken out, I had cancer.

Well, I joined this beer league "for fun" as it's supposed to be.

I reminded this person it's been a few years since I've really played, and that I could be rusty the first couple of games, and then when I met the team captain I told him the same and he said:

That's fine! Just try, and have fun!

Ok so that's supposed to be what a beer league is for.

We are just having fun playing the game, and if you take the rankings really seriously you obviously don't have much else going for you in your life.

Well today this person that recruited me asked me if I was going to play tonight and I said:

YEAH MAN I'M TOTALLY STOKED

He (yes, he) goes:

WELL I DON'T THINK YOU'LL BE PLAYING IN NET.

I was like:

WHY? YOU THINK I SUCK?

He goes:

YEAH.

I was stunned that someone could be so blunt and rude about it.

If I save 80 goals and let in 6, I suck.

So if the forwards don't score any goals they don't suck, it's all on the goalie for losing?

FUCK NO!

It's a goddamn team sport!

Part of being a good team is offering constructive criticism, but an all out "you suck" and you aren't going to be playing the position you signed up for is a big slap in the face and leaves me no choice but to say:

FUCK YOUR TEAM.

I am super disappointed I won't be playing soccer, well, at least for now, especially because it's one of those things I couldn't do for so long and now I can and I get pushed out.

I payed my fees and had to re buy A LOT of soccer shit to join this team I was asked to play on, why the hell would I get out on the field when I have only ever played goal and only ever offered to play goal?

Oh yea, and YOU KNOW I CAN'T RUN.

Perfect way to push me out of the team, like a dick head bully.

Well screw that.

I wrote a letter to the team captain about this and expressed my extreme disappointment with this, let him know I am not feeling the love, so can I have my fees back please?

GAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH I WANT TO PUNCH EVERYTHING

It's like sometimes these days I am pushing forward to move past being sick and disabled and hurting and sick and cancer and marriage falling apart and whatever else, I keep a positive attitude only to be shit on and have to take five steps back.

I sometimes just want to stay in my room because at least nothing in there can disappoint or upset me, unless I don't get some theory in my psych courses then I will be just fine in here with a couple cases of wine and peanut butter and my cats and that's fucking it.

So this uncouth lad that made me feel like the whole team thinks I'm the worst goalie ever or something which I am not, I fucking rule, I can play a lot of great games but I have my bad games too, I am not perfect, like the rest of the team, no one is perfect.

Being a goalie is the hardest job with the least amount of thanks.

You don't tell someone on your team that they suck.

That's just wrong and mean, and it's not like we are in Jr. High here.

Oh, and this isn't the Euro cup this is a FUCKING BEER LEAGUE.

OK so I will admit to being sensitive to criticism, and it is because I am a perfectionist when I love doing something.

I have always been a "little" sensitive to criticism- ask my ex's and my family and maybe they will laugh at the "little" part, but most people who know me know I am my own harshest critic.

I am harder on myself than anyone else is, so I am my own worst critic, but in sport teammates are there to support each other, you don't turn against one person on the team or the whole thing falls apart. 

So I am totally that kid in the class that ran to teacher for help with a bully, but when you are an adult you look like an idiot for being the bully and it takes more guts to face up to a bully than to bully someone.

Ahh, feels like I just took a big ol' number 2.

Thanks for listening.

-E.