The Balls

So I started this blog during my interferon treatment, after my surgeries.

Today I was trying to remember those four days in hospital almost 2 years after my big ol' lymph node removal surgery that is a blur of needles, dressing changes, catheters and bed pans, painful trips out of my bed high as fuck on morphine, totally out on Mars, floating around in some weird painful limbo.

Lucky for me I had friends like John there entertaining my mother and I, and getting pics of what was quickly dubbed

MY BALLS!

John only had a few pics of that time, and the most memorable and documented part of my big surgery was The Balls!!!

Now for those who don't know about the balls, they were drainage tubes with ball like receptacles at the end, that I had to wear for almost A MONTH after my surgery and were pretty much the most annoying part was those fucking balls, one tube going into my hip and one in my lower abdomen, stitched on me and pissed me off and I was not able to wear PANTS for those near four weeks.

Everyday 2x a day I had to empty these nasty things full of fluid and blood, yum! 

Not only that I had to write down the measurements of orangey liquid from my balls, cause once it got to a certain lower level of shit in The Balls I could get those fucking things out of my body and put some pants on!

I couldn't move too much or the balls would fill up more, I had to "juice" the tubes for crap and clots, yum again, sorry I don't feel a need to give a warning at the beginning, get used to it, winkie face, mmm, what else?

They hung down like big ol' horse balls.

That was entertaining and helped me deal with it, by it being fucking funny.

I didn't exactly take selfies during this time cause I always looked like shit.

Apparently there was one day in the hospital where I must have been so looped on morphine I allowed John to take a picture of me all messy hospital headed with no makeup on- SATAN FORBID, but I was giving the metal horns cause I was the most metal thing to ever grace the Misery-Cordia hospital of course, but John lost the picture, I kinda wanted to see it simply because I didn't even remember it.

Instead he made sure to capture many shots of The Balls!

If you really do have a weak stomach, maybe don't look at these photos, but don't forget, all of the stuff in the balls is in your body too!

Hahahahaha. 

Lying in the hospital bed.

John thought this nurse was hot so he got a few pics of him, and we bugged him about the Colour codes card attached to him about code brown, and if we thought it meant what we thought it meant, he placated us by going along with our joke, he was funny because when he took my catheter, he's like, ready to see how much you peed???!

HEHEHE

He goes off with a huge bag of piss while I laugh.

He was cool.

A close up of one of The Balls, shortly after the surgery, lots o' blood!

HOME FROM EL HOSPITALE

Them's ma hangy balls!

BAWWWWWWLLLLLZZZZZZ!!!

This is pretty much the position and night shirt I lived in 24/7 for weeks.

It was the best one for clipping the tubes to, so I didn't care how dirty it got.

I smelled like a homeless man living in a garbage and covered in food/ cookie crumbs most of the time, neglected showering for it was a pain in the damn ass.

Obviously high on painkillers, but it was the first day I wore makeup in weeks, and of course I finally ran a brush through my hair, and since I had friends over I tried to show off my cookie cleavage.

The Britney Spears of cancer surgery!

Again, The Balls.

Good times.

It was kind of therapeutic to look at The Balls again, they really disturbed me just because they were stitched to me, kinda like some milder version of a human centipede idea, ya know?

Hope I managed to disturb you mildly, yet still make you laugh.

The Balls are gone and that's all that matters.

-E.