PEEVE MONSTER!

Ok, here we go, I'm about to list some pet peeves on the internet.

PLEASE don't not one of ya's take offence to these, or whatever, do!

I don't care, these are ONLY A FEW of my pet peeves, and not the harshest either. This shit is PG....13.

IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER:

- LINE ASSHOLES! 

People who try to snake in on the line. Those short people who think they can get under a taller person in front of them in line. I always have this problem at places like Shoppers drug and Wal-Mart.

Shit, this has happened to me everywhere, clothing stores, banks, even the courts paying a damn parking ticket. The doctors even!

EVEN AT THE CROSS CANCER INSTITUTE I have encountered LINE ASSHOLES!

WTFFFFFF!

Another kind of line asshole is the one that is last in line at one till, and then another till opens and THE NEXT CUSTOMER is supposed to be first and that asshole from the back snakes in with his Dandruff shampoo and socks. Line asshole. 

-SLOW WALKERS! 

Well doesn't that say it all. Slow walkers with no disabilities whatsoever off in their own world taking a damn Sunday stroll on a Monday. Get moving you son of a bbbbiiiiiiiiiitttttchhhhh.  That includes those fucks that walk slowly in the middle of West Edmonton mall like a huge mall is SO AMAZING it's just a big, annoying mall. Take all the fucking pics you want just stay out of my way, I know where MAC and Millennium are so move the mtherfk out of ma g'dam way.

-WOMEN WHO PEE ON PUBLIC TOILET SEATS! 

Jesus, this one is disgusting, and if you do this, I'm sorry, I may have to re-evaluate our friendship.

 If you want to hover over a mall toilet seat and essentially piss all over it I hate you, truly.

SO GROSS.

All it takes if you are that much of a germaphobe, which BTW there are more bacteria on your phone than a mall toilet seat, is to take some toilet paper or the bottom of your boot to lift up the seat if you wanna "hover." 

I believe these women should have to at the very least clean up their disgusting messes before they leave, which technically leaves it dirtier for the next woman, and therefore I believe these horrid women/girls are misogynistic bitches and should have to lick the toilet seat. That my HARSH opinion!

-PREACHING VEGANS! 

Goddammit, how can we not prove that you that you aren't actually eat meat behind our backs? And whats with all the beer VEGANS drink? 

They're like ACTUALLY IT'S VEEEEEGGGGAAANNN, *roll eyes*

Is that why you are fat because you get most of your calories off of beer, and your idea of Vegan is a VEGAN frozen dinner from planet organic or Quinoa on lettuce?

STFU about your diet. I don't care.

Once I knew a dude, that dated a friend of mine and worked for my father in The Hotel MacDonald where at the same time I happened to play the violin for brunches, that proclaimed one day to be VEGAN. 

He kept up his charade until one day I caught his lying ass eating a pepperoni pizza in the staff room, where I catch him and go WELL WELL WELL whatcha doing eating that?

He's all trying to rationalize it by saying if he doesn't pay for it then he doesn't contribute to the slaughter of animals. 

I laughed at him and said, so, like, it's ok to eat out of the slaughterhouse trash then?

He seemed confused, as any himbo really would be.

SHUT UP PREACHING VEGANS!

Ah that felt good.

Well these are so long and descriptive I may only have time for a couple more, cause as I say, don't get me started honey.

-PEOPLE WHO ALWAYS NEED TO BE TALKING ABOUT SOMETHING IMPORTANT/POLITICAL.

That's a long one, but shit, do we ALWAYS have to be talking about social issues and blahbittyblahblahblah I don't feel like it all the time! Most of the time!

If we are friends we can make jokes about anything. The bushes we walk past. Billboards. Weird creepers. Dumbasses. Cool. Life. Our lives. Serial killers. The Simpsons. Some other dumb mindless shit, or even kill fantasies..... WHAT?

 Not others all the time. C'mon really, it comes across as very pretentious and conversation controlling. I don't want to talk about elections in the middle east all night. 

-THE FOREVER BRIDE.

Ok, so maybe this one is more controversial, and perhaps looked upon as biased as I am currently not exactly married, but heres what I hate about the 

"Forever bride."

The woman that got married 4 years ago and the only pictures of her on Facebook are those taken at her wedding. The woman that when you ask her, tell me about you!

And it starts with, WELL, I'M MARRIED, or I'M A WIFE.

Ok, good for you, is that what defines you as a person, being a wife?

That is kinda boring and sad.

HOW can anyone be a happy wife or husband if they revolve around the other persons needs and always put themselves second? Define themselves as 'MARRIED".

 How can they be the person they really are if all they do is serve another? 

This is just one of my recent and perhaps somewhat bitter revelations about marriage.

Now if you are a happily married person, I think that is wonderful!

Just please don't shove your Destination wedding in my face for years and years afterwards.

It's clear you are clinging to that sense of BRIDE, I don't think women should define themselves as A BRIDE first and for most, unless they are serving some sick fucking polygamist, and really, all they are is WIVES.

-TONE DEAF FOLKS THAT THINK THEY CAN SING.

Don't EVEN get me started honey.

Snap, snap snap.

Ahhhhhh, that was better than taking an anxiety pill.

I feel refreshed.

Thanks ya''ll for reading, and yet again sharing in my miseries, and it may be selfish of me but I do hope that you share in one or all of my pet peeves listed here.

 I do admit, there are many mannnnny more but if you want to know those more horrible and disgusting pet peeves you should come over with a bottle of wine and

 GET ME STARTED HONEY!

I must crash now, the Pinot noir is sending me to bed.

Love always my shiny hexed kin.

-E.

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