Clean and Dirty foods. I'll eat both- but they exist.

SO a while back I heard a radio show on CBC called Wiretap where a guy was talking about "dirty" foods and "clean" foods, and really it didn't make any sense to me, considering he thought M&M's were the cleanest food and the peanut version was FILTHY. He also thought a burger would become cleaner the flatter it is, so he'd squish it down.

So I got to thinking, is it that I think this guy is a whack job, or do I agree with him that there is clean and dirty foods, and his don't make any sense to me but perhaps I have my own idea of which foods are clean, and which are dirty.

I have thought it over and I have my own instincts as to which foods are clean and which are dirty.

CLEAN

Avocados

 Red Grapes

Blackberries

Pineapples

(I think these fruits are the cleanest of the fruits, many fruits are dirty.)

Pizza

Satayed or broiled chicken

Perogies

Sour cream

Real Crab of any kind

 Salmon

Rare Steak

Homemade Mayonaise

Yams and potatoes

Fudge cakes, ice cream cakes, any chocolate cake

Fuzzy Peach Gummies

Pure chocolate ice cream

Crack chicken from Lingnan

Smokies stuffed with cheese

Leaks

Kiwi

Kale or swiss chard

Cheese

Milk or Dark Chocolate in bar form

Maple Syrup

Cool Whip

Rice- white, brown, basmati or jasmine.

MMMM.... FOOOOODDDD.

DIRTY

Mashed Potatoes

Mangos

Mushrooms

Cucumbers

Vanilla ice cream

Hot Dogs

Spinach

Any fast food- unless it is without mayo and ketchup, mustard is clean so have the mustard if you may, covered in tomatoes, lettuce, onions cheese and PICKLES, the pickles are especially important if you want a CLEAN BURGER!!! 

ABOUT BURGERS! DIRTY/CLEAN

CLEAN BURGERS:

Wendy's 1/4 single with no sauces and cheese

Single Teen Burger without sauce-again, with all the fixin's

Mushroom Burgers from Burger Baron

DIRTY BURGERS:

Big Macs

Anything with two or more patties

Frozen Burgers of any kind

BACK TO DIRTY FOODS

Bacon- yeah sorry everyone, I eat it too but it's fill-thaaay.

Iceberg Lettuce- unless it's on a burger with pickles and onions and cheese, then it becomes clean.

Pork Chops- dirty, dirty dirty, if cooked on a stove. They must be BBQ'D or cooked on a fire to become clean.

Brisket. Fucking filthy.

Lobster

White Fish

Angel food cake, or any fruit filled cakes.

Aristocratic Greens from Lingnan.

Miracle whip or any store bought mayo.

Whipped cream in a can

Oranges

Blueberries

Apples

Bananas

White Grapes

100% Beef hot dogs on a white bun with ketchup is the dirtiest thing you could ever eat.

EEEWW, the turtle loves the mashed. Though I make and eat mashed, plain old mashed with bakers potatoes and milk is 

dirty dirty dirty. I suppose these are yukon gold potatoes which makes them cleaner, and there has to be butter on these to attract a turtle. Thats what I think

So maybe my list doesn't make much sense, especially considering I am not quite as neurotic as the man who inspired this blog, but I can tell you that I eat both clean and dirty foods and enjoy most on the list EXCEPT the dirty burgers and 100% beef hot dogs. Brisket too.

WRONG KIND OF CAKE LADY, THAT SHITZ DURDY.

Maybe one or two of you will get my lists a little, or maybe not.

Either way, I will admit I care not whether you think I am full of shit or not, this is the reality, at least for me, a human existing and eating on this planet.

I believe that if you choose a food from each list and make sure they are totally opposites.

Kiwi is so clean and bacon is so dirty, but if you eat them together the bacon becomes clean!

See my crazy fuckin' logic???? Do you???

Think about your clean and dirty foods. 

You will know which are just by instinct.

I encourage you to actually think, what is inherently clean and dirty.

CLEANEST FOOD IN THE WORLD EVER:

Frozen Yogurt with raspberries and Oreo's blended in.

Cleanest food you'll ever eat I SWEAR!!!

-E.