HEX IN THA HOUSE!!!
Slighted intoximacated! I fuckin deserve it because I finished my studies of my first course and all the moodle quizzes with a 90% and booked my final today in a month
!
It's a celebration bitches!
This one has been on my phone a while and since I am apparantly posted wine memes it's going up.
YES IT'S IN FRENCH, YOU'LL HAVE TO GOOGLE IT! :)
This is from tonight, my dad gave a me a bottle of a nice wine I enjoyed after finally finishing up all the notes before review and enjoy the mark I have right now- then there's the final... GAHHH
SO BOTTOMS UP WEIRDOS AND QUEERS!
NOW TIME FOR A LITTLE ANIMOSITY!
SHIT MY NAME IS HEX NOT GRACE, THIS ISN'T A PLACE WHERE WE... I MEAN I CENSOR.
BOTTOM LINE.
Now if you don't feel like listening to my bit of anger than change the channel and read a "family blog."
I'm a weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee bit pissed off still about my lay off.
I get this is business this is how it works, but I can be as mad as I want about it, it was my career, it was something I built for myself starting at the coffee shop counter and it gave me a sense of purpose.
I found my niche in the business and felt great doing my job just about everyday. My father leaves for his illness and I was immediately given the chop, get your shit and go, there were outright lies circulating about me that hurt my feelings and left me feeling betrayed by people I wanted to further the business with, make this more than about great food and service, make it special, make it memorable. I believe I accomplished that in my time there and so I don't look back like I did the job inconsistently, EVEN when I was sick myself and was only there 3 days a week.
Everyone lets me get two words of frustration in before they say
FUCK EM! Don't worry about it, don't let it stress you.
Oh I reassure you it is not entirely stress because of course some of it is, you unexpectedly lose your job after 4 years, THERE IS GOING TO BE STRESS but it is mostly anger and bitterness, which I am allowed to have as long as I want.
The psyche can only stir angrily for so long before it costs you health and energy and vitality, but whats wrong with having a slam fest after the fact regardless of what you can do about it, you can let your anger pile burn a little while.
Ain't no shame.
This is an anger that pushes me forward, pushes me to be BETTER.
WHY IN HELL would I let my sad and angry feelings go by the wayside just to be "positive"?
Well fuck no, positive is how I live my life most days, in between:
Cancer.
Dealt with that like a champ.
Marriage failure.
Didn't let it stop me.
My fathers health.
Staying strong as I can for him.
Laid off.
It won't stop me either and I will be better, but my primary focus is SCHOOL and I am not working on a degree for 10 fucking years.
I may be 29 but I deserve a chance to be left alone about not working full time or in anything serious as a profession WHY? Because I a student now.
That's why.
Not even life will throw me off the track I'm really on, I will accomplish my dream and no one can stop me, nothing can stop me.
For a few weeks after something hard there is a seething, and either you let it burn inside to only fuck you over more OR you let it loose, not only with loose lips and fuck this guy and fuck that guy I hate this and that and the other thing, LIARS!
I channel my anger well, I have kept up an active lifestyle and if I start crying anger firery tears of hell bitch on wheels with an appetite for flesh in killing mode I go for a run, kick a soccer ball and pretend its so and so's balls.
Feels good.
I will ride out the wave and then I'll be fine.
Sometimes people don't understand it, and that is ok.
It is a good coping mechanism for me, exactly why I head to a metal show and crowd surf or a get a tattoo after something crazy and hard, I always do.
I can wear the tattoos and hold the memories of my killing of the dead horse again as my badge of honour.
So what's this entry,
POSITIVE?
NEGATIVE?
DRUNKEN?
A little of all the above my friends.
So yeah I would go kick boxing for more anger assault fantasies but my right leg isn't ready for that. It has improved a lot with physio and fitness but I am SOOOOOO not there yet, hence the soccer ball being assholes balls or bitches heads.
BOOOOOM! THAT'S THE SOUND OF MY SHOTTA!!!
Like I said, my name is Hex not Grace, and I'll be as crass as needed, hint about black magic to look crazy and make up very mean songs about the people who tossed me away.
They should feel lucky, I am using my sweet sweet vocal cords to dedicate Westboro baptist church style parodies that are obviously NOT "Baptist" in the least.
(If you wanna know why I hate that Church so much just google it.)
Getting anger out is fucking inmotherfukingportant godfuckingdammmmmmitttttt dirtyjesus onthe fucking crosssssss!
Whooo that was ruuuude!
Do whatever you have to that won't put you or anyone else you know in a vehicle with a spinning light on the top of it, do it in your mind, draw disturbing pictures in a childlike way to get your psycho out, because I believe if you hold it in, in will rot away at your internally and it will kill you.
There is a place to stop and that comes naturally.
I think people should heed my warning so they don't end up in the news and everyone who knew them goes:
HE/SHE SEEMED SO NORMAL!
HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN?
THAT DOESN'T SOUND LIKE THAT PERSON AT ALL!
Well that person kept it festering inside instead of firing off a few glass bottles against a wall or fantasizing about molotov cocktails.
There you go. Logic and reasoning from a half cut poor excuse for a writer!
TAKE CARE AND LOVE TO ALL YOU SHINY SHINY DARLINGS.
I leave you with an inspiring song that I like to parody, if you bring me a bottle of wine I might sing it for ya, however I want to spin it that day.
-E.
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