Wednesday Hexing

I CAN SEE MY FUTURE....

So for about twelve weeks now I have been working out for the first time since cancer treatment. I really let myself go, and it was delicious. Now, people can tell me all day I am not fat, the point is I couldn't fit a single thing in my wardrobe up there, and I was up there alright!

I have so far lost 12-15 pounds- it changes depending on water weight it seems- which is good and I am back in after-cancer jeans I bought but quickly ate myself to large to fit into...

I know I don't get like, obese. I just pack it on for my frame when I do, and it seems my ass needs it's own compartment because there is some serious junk in my trunk, which is great when it's not in the way of fitting pants.

 A couple months ago shopping was very depressing, I ran out of the mall horrified and sped home to have a jog, I decided my year long eat-a-thon was over, and my ass was hitting the pavement.

Gaining 20 pounds in a matter of months was alarming to me and so not like me but I was told it's a little pre-30 birthday present, how lovely.

Don't get me wrong, I am ok with curves and stuff, I don't want to lose all the weight I've gained since melanoma treatment ended, I look back at that time, I was a good 30 pounds under what I am now, and I was too skinny, I don't like it.

 I would much rather have some slopes and valleys than looking like a board with flapjacks nailed to it.

So tonight I broke the rules and lost all self control with this major cupcake craving that controlled me all evening, I found myself putting my shoes on and grabbing my car keys, then slapping myself NO!

It's not Faturday, a Saturday when you can cheat and have candy for breakfast and beer for lunch.

It's not even Fat Tuesday! It's ONLY Wednesday.

Boo.

Well John goes to bed and that cupcake voice is in my head just pounding louder and louder, so I jumped in my car and cruised to Macs, now I feel that same shame I had in the mall that day...

Oh well, 20 extra burpees for me tomorrow I guess.

So now for disappointing news...

TODAY was supposed to be my dad's lung surgery, and guess what IT WAS CANCELLED.

BAHHHHH

Next Tuesday now... so more waiting, not like there hasn't been enough yet.

It's great that we have health care up here but waiting for a bed for surgery is very scary.

I don't think anyone should have to go through the agonizing wait... sounds much easier than it is.

In a way you feel helpless, and you should, because your life is literally in their hands and by their I mean Alberta Health Services.

So now we wait... some more.

I can't say it was very surprising to hear it was cancelled...some would say that makes me a pessimist but I would say it makes me a REALIST! Welcome to Alberta!

IT'S ALL FREE!

TAKE A NUMBER!

Right now I'm having fun in the Governments waiting room myself anticipating my very first EI check EVER!

I know exciting right?!

The EI doesn't mean I'm not working, just sitting on my ass smoking doobies and cracking the books a couple hours a day, I AM working a little.... but shhhh don't tell Uncle Sam...;););)

I figure I might as well take advantage of it for now so I can focus more on school. 

For now.

We will see, I could get bored any minute and look for something else, but why when you can be propped up by funds that are yours, you paid for em, you don't get them when you retire, so why the fuck not I ask?

Don't see any reason yet why it's a bad idea.

Ahhhhhh, we will see how long I can milk that...

I think I've done enough blah blah blahing here for one night, gotta get a dose of tube before I sleep.

Plus I want to eat the rest of that cupcake and then wallow in my shame alone...

-E.