So tonight was my last doctor's appointment of 2012!
Whooooooo!!!!
This time with my family doctor, who actually really gives a flying shitfuck about what's going on with everything about me, not just cancer.
So yes, I did get the all clear on any cancer or cancerous activity within my body, that's awesome.
Problem with these PET scans is they can see EVERRRRYYYYYYTHIINNNNNGGGG.
More than you care to know about what's actually happening within the deep realms of your body.
Today was the first time I got hear about what else was going on in my body, apparently it is not up to Dr. Skin Creepin' Batshit Crazy to tell me anything other than any trace of Melanoma.
Well this scan said all kinds of craaaazy shit.
My doctor explained it to me but she has a thick Eastern European accent and also speaks in medical speak.
I was like, ok, can I have the report and pictures?
You can have the report, we don't have the pictures.
Of course.
I want the goddamm m'fkn pics.
It took me most of the night to decode the report, all written in medical jargon, which read like Chinese or Greek really, until you google those words you've never heard.
Slowly I got to understand what the report was saying.
Well here's the list of things other than cancer discovered in me:
THE P.E.T/CT SCAN MENU
HOPE YOU'RE HUNGRY!
FIRST COURSE
-Confirmed osteoarthritis in my hip
SECOND COURSE
-Shredded muscle in my thigh from surgery
THIRD COURSE
-Enlarged tonsils and very "mucosal" sinuses- gross I know- I already knew that.
FOURTH COURSE
-A small cyst on each of my ovaries, the largest being 3.2 cm on the right. This explains strange pain I've had on that side for years- TMI? Well yeah. Lady part probs.
FIFTH COURSE
-3 separate calcified nodules in my chest, non-cancerous but important to monitor for cancerous growth, fast growth, most likely caused by a "previous granulomatous infection"- caused by breathing in spores.?!
SIXTH COURSE
-Incomplete fusion of the anterior and posterior arch of C1 (From conception, not dangerous but abnormal.
DESSERT COURSE
-Another freakish and yet non-threatning abnormality is my left ventricle artery arises directly from the aortic arch.
BON APPETIT!
Trust me you don't ever wanna have one of these scans because it just tells you wayyyyyy too much.
I DO MY HOMEWORK!!!
Another and a little more frightening new problem is my blood pressure.
A normal person my age to about 45 should have an optimum blood pressure of 110 over 80.
Mine is currently 140 over 110.
Kinda fucking scary, and I need a blood pressure monitor. WEEEEEEEE!!!
My doctor told me to cut down on salt, which is weird because I don't cook with salt, I avoid heavily salted foods, salt just isn't my favourite.
I live like a carefree spirit but in fact inside I have anxieties over a lot of the stress I incurred, and I keep it inside. My doctor told me that enough of that.
Ok so doctors doctors doctors, that's been my life for goddamm motherfucking ever and I hated it at first but now I've become totally accustomed, it's like cashing a check or running to the grocery store.
I do make a point to dress up for everyone now.
Greatest news besides no melanoma is that I don't have to see a cancer doctor for 6 months! TWICE A YEAR! PET/CT scans annually for 3-5 years.
WHATEVS!!!
I only looked more into the report so that I may be my own advocate, and understand where in my body I must watch for changes, and it makes you acutely aware of why things feel or change or whatever.
The menu of fucked up Erin parts doesn't really bother me that much, I'm ticking just fine and repeated throughout the report was:
NO ENLARGED OR AVID OR SOFT TISSUE NODULES ARE IDENTIFIED- *smile*,
and ended with:
Impression:
-No evidence of local recurrence of the right calf melanoma. Similarly, there is no evidence of regional lymph node or distant metastatic disease.
BOOOOOYAAAAHHHHH!!!!
MEOWWWW!!!
IN OTHER NEWS, BEFORE I HIT THE HAY:
TODAY I got my BLACK CRAFT CULT shirts, a cool dark brand from The OC!
Here is T-shirt of the day!
A Satanic kitty.
AWWWWWWWZZZZZZZZ!!!!
If you believe in Witchcraft check out their site.
Even if you don't, DO IT.
Thank you for reading, I love you shiny beautiful babies.
-E.
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