Sold my soul for a drum of jam

TIS THE BLACK SABBATH

...and I didn't do much, as you should on the Black Sabbath.

We got up late, lazed around playing with smart phones and watching TV, complaining about how lazy we are and then reluctantly hopped in my car to do some Costco.

Fuck that place is a motherfucking zoo I tells ya.

Why do we now choose to shop in a confusing, large zoo full of bargain zombies, all very well trained consumers, for the most part moving quickly, like angry hungry fucking zombies, so many of them with a cart full of Diet coke and Advil, or 300 bottles of water,

WHY?

The deals, oh my goodness, the fucking deals!

You can't even buy one large thing of tinfoil at Safeway for less than 9 bucks, when you can get THREE of them all wrapped together in a package for SIX BUCKS BITCH!

I won't need to buy tinfoil until I'm into my 30's.

What else?

Meat? Cheap as fuck?

HUGE BAGE OF SPINACH for 2 BUCKS??

A MILLION cookies for 4 bucks? A MILLION?

This is the place where you can get a flat of cake, a barrel of onions, a desk of cheesits, a drum of jam, a crate of pizza, for like 3 pennies.

WTF?

I've been robbed these last 10 years shopping at Safeway, I understand that now, but the craziness of the Costco shoppers always kept me away, and doing things the SAFE way at Safeway, where I know where everything is and unless it's toonie tuesday or whatever that horrible day is the first tuesday of every month then it's tolerable, crowd wise.

Satan knows how much I hate a long line or slow movers.

Costco is on a WHOLE other level.

The people of Costco have their eyes on the prize, and they aren't browsing, fuck that, they are on a mission. They will mow you over to get to the next crazy deal.

They are here to shop bulk, and fast.

Today I felt like I was lost and confused and not entirely sure what I wanted to buy there.

I think Matt felt the same way but his manly nature forbids him to express that.

I will admit, I'm a little bit afraid, and almost feel like, c'mon, how are these deals 

SO GOOD?

I must be selling a part of my soul as the price for cheap tinfoil and chicken.

I am suspicious of that place, like, WHAT'S THE FUCKING CATCH?

There's gotta be one.

Or maybe I'm just a little paranoid, and this really is the secret consumer club I am myself now a part of, and it is my duty to stock up on the deals so I only have to buy chicken every 6 months and will have cat food until 2016, and I am just one the ones IN THE KNOW now, and all those Safeway shoppers are FOOLS!

All I know is next time I'll wear more sensible footwear, and keep my eye out for the fast moving old ladies who zoom by on their carts giving me the stink eye looking at us like-

Look at those Newbies.

PSHHH I GOT PLACES TO BE OUTTA THE WAY I NEED 3000 PIZZAS

So getting out of there with TONS OF FOOD for $130, it almost feels like you escaped the jungle with a pot of gold to boot.

Weird, but a relief.

So Matt and I come home and get back to being lazy sloths, but every once and a while get up and do something like wash a dish or put away laundry.

Can't overexert yourself on The Black Sabbath.

We did manage to make ourselves dinner from our shopping trip today, and Matt sliced up a huge log of Steak we got today for like 2 dollars or something and IT WAS DELICIOUS!

See, I was waiting for the meat to taste like shit or be overly stringy with gristle, but it was perfectly tasty.

Makes me feel even more guilty for shopping at Safeway for so long.

This chest of cookies alone a reason to keep shopping at Costco.

Funny story, someone almost murdered me over these cookies.

I won't mention names, lets just call him, 

"THE COOKIE MONSTER."

Anyways, I sold my soul for a deal today, I can feel it, but my fridge is full and so is the freezer, in fact we don't even have the kitchen or cupboard space to be shopping there at all, but again, THE DEALS, THE FUCKING GODAMMMMM DEEEEEEEEAAAAALLLLSSSSS!

Tomorrow, is a big day, it's the day I go back to work and then come home and run for the first time in a couple of months.

(Matt is into running again, what I originally got HIM into, now he's dragging my lazy ass back out there, and he told me he was gonna remind me tomorrow at work repeatedly.)

GERD. Eating those Costco cookies won't feel like a wise decision by 730 tomorrow, but will that keep me away from them cookies?

Nope.

-E.