Being that it is 3 days from my cancerversary and also 12|12|12, and I believe the end of the world is in a couple of weeks, the zombies or jesus, (what's the difference anyways) are coming and perhaps and most likely complete anarchy... ya never know.
Just in case I filled a bunker full of nothing but guns and liquor, and only loved ones, psychopaths, expert marksmen and people who own crossbows, oh and a few good chefs, farmers with livestock and butchers are welcome.
Yesterday I had the special 2 YEAR CANCERVERSARY PRESENT....
A PET/CT SCAN!!!
I still don't have results, went to my doctors today and he said he had the images but couldn't read them, we have to wait for the radiologists report or some garbage of course, so I told the clinic girls with a smile that I'd be stalking them tomorrow.
Dr. Batshit Crazy aka Dr. Skin Creeper (Salopek) checked my skin and everything is good there, and he even remarked on how good I look, but he also mentions I look curvier.
Then once he's got be naked on the table, easy hey, in front of two male doctors, I must not have any shame left whatsoever, he admires my new tattoos and makes me show the other docs some of the other ones I have.
He loved my sternum tattoo, the goat.
Then he pushes on my belly and whatnot and says,
OH YES, YOU'VE GAINED SOME WEIGHT IN YOUR STOMACH FOR SURE!
I'm like, umm thanks.
ANYWAYS! My scan!!!!!! WEEEEEEE!!!
Of course I come dressed up which is my signature now, whenever I have to go to the hospital I do full makeup and wear something flashy.
Yesterday it was a dress and high boots and a leather jacket, with big bitch glasses of course. Of course they made me change.
So here I am in my oh so glamourous in my gown and housecoat, I'm used to these things but they still seem gross and smell like death, and I am totally the perv who doesn't lace up the back, they're gonna undo it anyways.
Good thing they gave me the robe.
KEEPING CANCER METAL AS FUCK!
This is a WHAAA POOR ME picture.
The needle nurse was a butcher stabber who hurt me so much in a spot I always get needles, the vein is good and numb too, so I refuse to have my left arm IV'd.
When I woke up after my surgery and found it in my left hand I wasn't pleased.
I fell asleep and woke up to Miss Stabby Cakes and she took me to the biggest scanner known to man, the PET CT!
WEEEE! I go. Acting crazy to entertain the technician girls.
The were both redheads so I was like OOO I like redheads!
Like a pervy lesbian which I am not really.
Then they were like are you claustrophobic?
I said loudly OH YEAH I MIGHT FREAK THE FUCK OUT!!!
They were taken aback and I laughed and said
NAW I'LL BE FINE! JUST KIDDIN' YA'S!
They laughed but obviously found me twisted.
Then they came in after the practice scan and said,
ERIN, ARE YOUR NIPPLES PIERCED?
YUP!
I say. They laugh again. Not that weird but they were like WHAT'S THAT?
After the shot and the feeling of warmth and weirdness, dizziness and that feeling like you peed I fell asleep for the 2 hours I was being moved around this crazy tunnel thing.
Wake up, get the IV out and I am on my way.
I can't believe it's been two years since I was diagnosed with Malignant Melanoma.
One thing I've discovered is that it is an ongoing thing, I thought that once my treatment and surgeries were over that cancer would be over.
It never is, we are always completely loved by the evil cell named cancer, it is a part of all of us but our bodies are the battleground, and our bodies are incredibly resilient.
It has been 8 months since my treatment ended and I can finally say I feel normal again.
When I was finished I couldn't see how I could ever be normal again, and in many ways that is true, I will never be normal.
I am feeling pretty good about my scan results, which I will post tomorrow HOPEFULLY, but no matter what is going on I am prepared, I've had two years to get used to all the possibilities, all the risks, all possible outcomes.
It feels good to feel like Erin, but to also be stronger than ever before, with a new perspective of life.
-E.
1 comment:
the doctor's office is one place i wish i could make my tattoos invisible. "we better check you for hepatitis because you probably got those tattoos in a prison yard!" thanks. also, curvier forever! i'm glad you're feeling more like yourself again! LOVE YOU!!!
Post a Comment