Hex in the city: July 2013

WOW I've been a terrible blogger!

Almost a month?!

May the internet gods forgive me with this offering of cat pictures, since we all know felines keep people glued to their computers!

That should do.

I almost forget how to type... thank goodness for those info processing courses I was forced to take in high school... 300 words per minute BOOOOYAHHHH!

LET ME BEGIN by updating y'all on my father, he had his surgery on June 25th and so I spent a week dropping in and out of the hospital and let me tell you, my dad is one tough bastard.

I don't even know that he gives himself credit for how tough he really is.

They removed a nodule that was 2.4 mm and the lower lobe of his left lung, plus a few lymph nodes for diagnostic purposes. One of the lymph nodes was attached to an artery, and so he had some serious bleeding which was scary and took them twice as long to get the surgery done. He is doing well now and is out and about walking and everything! Glad and proud of my dad for being so brave. It isn't easy. He's lucky in that his cancer was caught very early- thank goodness for chest x-rays. We don't know yet if they want him to have what they call "adjuvant therapy" which means chemo, but we will know very soon. I am just thankful my dad is ok and that the cancer didn't get to go party all over his body- this is a very good thing.

Here's a little taster of what else is going on in my brain lately.

OMBRE HAIR?

How much would I be charged to look like I'm trailer trash that can't afford a box of bleach?

No thanks.

Reminds me of Sandra Bullock in the 90's. Just add the unshaven armpits.

RUDE CHILDREN!

Equals bad parenting.

Look, I'm too lazy to raise another human, SO I USE BIRTH CONTROL.

So should have some other lazy folks in this world raising little hellions that are not equipped to be out of the crib by 5th grade, sick.

The other day I'm paying for gas and a little girl who had to be at least 7-8 years old was running around and came to check out some chocolate at the counter WHICH IS FINE but she COUGHED on my hand! Fucking COUGHED on it! So disgusting.

I wanted to tell her to tell her parents to teach her some manners.

Cover your mouth brat before I slap you from Petro Can to your worst fucking nightmare.

Bad drivers?

So I've been lying to the world... Hex isn't in the city much these days.

Been spending some time with a special dude out in the STYX- HEX IN THE STYX- I like that... but getting out there isn't always pretty.

I get tailgated regularly by gigantic trucks, I get sandwiched between an asshole in a 350 and an Oil tanker going to Fort Mac, it's a little fucking scary. In order to get these tailing fucks out of my hair I like to use techniques such as break checking, speeding up and slowing down, signalling the driver to pass, and finally a middle finger to the real fuckwads who insist on tailing the small car stuck behind the tanker. I need a sticker that says "The closer you get the higher your insurance asshole".

There is of course a bluegrass band consisting of barnyard animals playing constantly in my brain, as well as the old meow mix commercial, all kind of on a loop...

WHAT ELSE?

Ugh this one will be long.

My dermatologist!

FUCK! That guy scares me, a lot. You'd think by now I'd be used to him, but after today, no, I'm not, I'll never be used to his morbid ways.

Examines me with a very serious look, pushed on my surgery site which hurts so bad, and he says this is unusual... what?! You people tried to rip my leg off, yes it hurts and I imagine it always will.

Makes me sick and cringe when he pushes like that.

"Do you have any headaches? Pains? Weird feelings?"

Uhhhhh yeah sure I do...

Anything new? Worsening? Feel different?

FUCK! I don't know, I've been a different person since the day I was diagnosed with this burden. What do you think doctor?

Then he says:

''Well, there isn't any signs that the cancer is back... yet."

So I sit dumbfounded as usual and this time he starts to talk about all the new breakthrough drugs in treating stage 4 melanoma, which is what a reoccurrence would mean for me, end of the line...

As if this is what I really want to hear.

Instead of just nodding like I usually do I decided to ask the questions I never ask.

"So is it very likely that I would have to take a drug like that?"

"Do I have the right gene to take a therapy like that?"

"How could my melanoma show up in a reoccurrence?"

Well Salopek looks at me like I finally accepted the realities of facing cancer that has metastasized.

And maybe that's true, I finally am.

He said what I expected- it is hard to say if it would be likely, I JUST HAVE TO KEEP AN EYE ON MYSELF.

Great answer. I'll keep it up.

The gene issue has to do with the particular strain of melanoma that these breakthrough drugs target- the B-RAF gene, which I wouldn't know if I had it until they actually test me for it for a drug like that.

A reoccurrence?

It could show up as stomach pain, a headache, a cough, pain in the body...

Nice. Good to know. My left big toe has been cramping up, any ideas there doc?

Like I said, should be used to this, but who could get used to this really? What a bunch of garbage. Makes me mad. While other women my age are still acting like 16 year olds, I get to live with this frightening concept that a headache could mean I'm dying. I've been brave and haven't complained much for three years but sometimes I can't be, sometimes this isn't fair, this isn't right. Fuck this whole situation and let me move on with my life, forget it.

I don't get to do that, and it is a source of endless frustration for me. I just want to be a 29 year old that gets to be 29, gets to know her whole life is in front of her. Do I get that? Only in my own head. Glad I can at least keep that alive, otherwise I don't know where I would be.