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Saturday, 7 December 2013

Winter Bitch


No matter what kind of music you like you'll like this song. If you totally hate it lose my number.






This is a real time blog, I am actually surrounded by these cute machines! Aren't they purrfect?! Yup real time, no editing, flying by the seat of my pants man. I'm stuck in the city tonight and my roommates are at a card making party which would be fun but I worked too late. I am busy making not enough money but who isn't. LOL JK if my boss reads this.



You may be asking where's the car pics? Can't put em up yet, my Aztek needed a lot of work but thankfully my fella is handy and he's fixing 'er up. I don't wanna jinx it even more, I attempted a highway drive already and a tire exploded on me, BOOM! Sparks flying, panic ensuing... I lived to tell the tale though, so I'll make sure she's road ready before the pics go up.


Winter is here in full arctic effect and I know I'm always saying if you don't like it get the fuck out but maybe I should clarify I don't just love winter soooo much that I wanna be outside in -35 like it is today. There is no getting used to that as long as you live but there is always tolerance. I am pretty much there with the tolerance. I used to get miserable every single winter as a teen, and if my brother or mother or father are reading this they might tell you I was actually miserable all the seasons of the year and they would be... right. 

Either way winter made me especially depressed, S.A.D.  - maybe, but I don't get that S.A.D. anymore, but I can see my outlook has changed. I don't understand why here in Canada we limit ourselves to 3 months of happiness just because there isn't snow, impending snow, slush, rain, ice, more snow, mud, wind... people will complain about absolutely every single weather condition out there. Whenever someone complains excessively about the weather I just sort of smile, but it also makes me feel like that person may be either uncomfortable around me or just plain dull. If I know the person well enough I'll probably call that person a wimp or a pussy.

Why must everyone be miserable all winter cause of the fucking snow? It's gonna happen again next year so start dealing with it now. Yeah, it's cold, but that's what sweaters are for! I love sweaters so much I wait all year to get to wear them, 2, 3 at once even! I always noticed that skanky chicks who like to wear very little clothing always complain excessively about winter.

You could even make the argument that I myself am just as bad as the complainers for complaining about them on the internet, but it is null simply because this is my fucking blog.

I think people need to find other ways to stay happy when they can't lie on a beach, wear short shorts or drink beer on a patio. Once the dreaded winter and spring are over and it's FINALLY summer Edmontonians are FINALLY in a good mood, when they're wearing gay looking bermuda shorts on Julio's Barrio Whyte's patio with white sunglasses drinking a bulldog and eating nachos, tagging themselves and their friends with a #patioseason #780 #yeg #summernights on Instagram. That's at least what I have observed in my city.

Or maybe I'm just someone that's more easily pleased, as long as I wake up in the morning with two feet and a heartbeat it's already a good day. It could be a blizzard outside but if I gotta go out there I put on some mitts a toque and go be a good Canadian.

Don't forget the layers.

http://youtu.be/9ziAsMTs9sg


-E.

Sunday, 24 November 2013

Sitting in the bathtub with a slayer tee-shirt and a champagne glass full of beer.


So I'm without my trusty computer to blog in my typical font and format but I feel like blogging so here ya go. 

Everything about the title is true except the slayer shirt and beer in champagne glass, but it's my Sunday funday so I doooo have a silver bullet in here with me.

Winters here so I bought a new car!
Tomorrow is the last flight of the shitbox. 
Ill post pics of the last epic journey of the blue bitch that just won't quit later. She's been good to me... But I found another. 

It's Walter Whites car. I'm rolling like a suburban meth cook BOOOYAHHH!

I don't know why but I love winter now as an adult. The bright white snow is so beautiful, it's an excuse to stay inside beneath 6 blankets, I get to act like a fuckin' grim black metal musician and call others pussies for whining about snow. 

It's edmonton. It's Canada. If you don't like it, get the fuck out.

In a couple of weeks I have my yearly PET scan. That means positron emission tomography or as I like to call it the all seeing eye. I haven't thought much about my melanoma or worried about it in a while but whenever tests and the anniversary of my diagnosis come up- December 15th- I have moments of almost coming undone with fear.. A feeling of being paralyzed almost, remembering those 16 months as if was a nightmare I forgot was actually real. It almost feels like a dream after coming full circle, living life happy and healthy once again, that nightmare in the past, no reason to be scared... Or that's at least what I tell myself. Ill of course dress up for the test in x-ray stockings and maybe even a slayer shirt, but they'll make me change into a pervert gown, it's of course called that because you can't do it up yourself properly and when you're wacked on drugs in the hospital you won't notice your wiggly bits hanging out. Beers will be in order immediately afterwards, to chase down that nuclear medicine that will make my pee turn blue.

Winter will always now remind me of my cancer, Christmas too, I am forever changed, and there will still be a fee more years of scans and doctors so I try to to count too much. One thing I always remember is that I may have had a couple crappy Christmases wasted on interferon, but at least I can always celebrate making it to the next one, so that's what I do, every single day. 

That was deep. Now for some derp.

You know the score.


What the fuck is on your head?
#nipplehead
Ruff ruff!

Is it a kitten? Or a child in a kitten suit? Or a child-kitten?!!

Thanks for reading, pretty one.
SLAYER!!!
-E.

Tuesday, 29 October 2013

The routine of a "responsible" 30 year old

Just checkin' in to let the world and my stalkers know I'm alive and well, I haven't forgotten about you! I have in fact been WORKING and I must say I kind of like it. 
I took a good 5 months of some kind of belated convalescence I probably needed a couple of years ago, but still schooling myself and of course I worked with mutts and my friends, but it was time to get serious and become gainfully employed.

So I chose to go back to esthetics. I get to play with nail polish and makeup and make some people really beautiful and others just barely tolerable to look at, I do gross things like deal with knarly feet and blackheads oh and lets not forget the almighty BRAZILLIAN!

So it all makes for a fun and interesting job with lots of funny stories to tell on the weekends.

I am back into "routine" and something about that feels good; it's predictable, I know every second friday I will have a pay check, I'm not floating around trying to figure out what to do with myself I have something to do. Just like a kid in a bad neighbourhood- I need to be kept busy or I get myself into trouble!

My routine goes something like this.

9am: Awake!.... snooze button.

915am: Cats meowing for food because they heard my alarm a whole 15 minutes ago!
FINE I'M UP. The cats are fed before I even go to the bathroom.

930am: Yes 15 minutes later I am out the door. How do I do that you ask? Years of refinement. I have been rushing since I was 15, at this point I have it down to a fine art. I do the fastest makeup you've ever seen but ALWAYS bring it with me just in case I need to fix it. Oh, and I always plan what I am wearing the night before, but now all I wear everyday is BLACK SCRUBS! Takes all the thinking out of it.

935am: I have arrived at Second cup for my Medium latte with 2 raw sugars. Lately I haven't wanted much breakfast until I've been up a couple of hours, sometimes I even skip it. I know thats bad but I at least have me a latte and a cigarette. Keeps the system running on time and less calories. 

10am: Werkin'.
If I'm not taking clients, I am not usually in the staff room because it's full of gossips and people asking me about my life. Guess what I am not here to share my life with you. I have enough friends and I am here to take YOUR money. That's right, I will work to take your clients. I am not dirty or underhanded I am just very straightforward, and don't get my feelings hurt too easily. I will of course be pleasant, I will always smile, but this is to cover my ass so no one can say that I am a bitch to you. Got it?
;)

6pm: K done work, home to take off the scrubs and get in the shower. Then it's straight to the 420 box to worship Cron. Call me a pothead if you will, but I think of it as medicine. If I didn't have the sweet cheeba green I would be on the ceiling all the time, wouldn't sleep, and may even have acted on my murderous fantasies, so, you're welcome.
Hmm, got the munchies now! Whats for dinner....

7pm: One of three things happen. I cook a meal, whatever it's gonna be, 3 course, bomb food, breakfast for dinner... OR I dial 473-7373 and add a wing meal OR I leave the house again to sit down for Pho or sushi. Most of the time I'm too tired to do that so I go back to option 2 if I have no food to cook. I do prefer to cook but sometimes when I'm working that's the last fuckin thing I wanna do and guess what I don't have to! I don't eat a lot of 473-7373 but they do know my address and usual order.

9pm: I may fight it but now it's time for me to start chilling out. My roomies are usually in bed so I go downstairs to my lair and either clean up the mess I made that morning, or do a couple loads of laundry with a movie on or put on a few tunes and write, sometimes I abandon that because of writers block or just not liking the sound of my writers voice. 
I may also need a repeat of dinner in a smaller portion OR make a PB&J.
Hey! Sweet cheeba green, help tire me out.

11pm: I've probably been watching either a movie or some trash TV on my computer, maybe a dateline real life mystery or two, but it's time I try and sleep. Sometimes this comes easily and sometimes not. I could be asleep by 11:07 or lie saucer eyed for another 2 1/2 hours... depends. I do some of my best thinking during that time every night, and have come to resolutions before I fall asleep and feel good about it the next morning, which will start at 9:15, to the sound of two cats meowing and my snooze going off.

As much as I enjoyed 5 months off, I enjoy being a responsible adult as well. Sometimes it sucks working all week, theres so many other things to do instead! But when sleeping till noon is commonplace because "you can" it is time to do something more with your life. 
There won't be any vacations for this gal for quite some time, but thats ok because 5 months was a niiiiiiiiiiice vacation, but my wallet is officially empty and needs to be replenished... Food, beer, metal show tickets, gas for my car, expensive makeup and black clothing does not fall from the sky. I've got a lifestyle to maintain!

Thanks for reading, you're cool.

-E.

Tuesday, 24 September 2013

Getting more and more mature by the minute

WELL! This is my first blog entry as a 30 year old "woman"...




You can clearly tell by these pics I am totally mature, how about my teen goth room decor? I know you're jealous of my green corpse hand string lights. 
Hey I spent half my life trying to be grown up and now I'm trying to make up for that.
Why am I blogging tonight you ask? Because I'm drinking cider and everyone went to bed and I need someone to talk to, hence, I babble, you read. I like this relationship already. Only thing is today I don't have anything enlightening to say so I'll just post pictures with a few shitty captions. Who likes to read anyways?




So I turned 30 and had me a white trash bash. I know what you're thinking, aren't all your parties white trash bash's? If you thought this you would be correct but the point was to really give'r in this department. It was a fun way to end a decade.

Here are some highlights.


Don't mind that there titty. They always tryinna escape their home.


She's an artist of the make-ups


I yeller for jeller shots


No fancy deck-or heer, all ya need is red solo cups and moskeeter candles


These two's is from Southern Ontario 


Redneck black tie


Dem titties tryinna bust er again


Chelsey's babies name is Jemima and she's lookin' for a daddy, ma boyfriends done gone and told me twice again


All kinds of flattering happening heer


Jemima and Abortia, they liked the butterscotch ripple!

Anyone without a costume isn't in the pictures, but I had a great time with all who came, it was a shot-gunnin' hog ass hoedown and I'll do it again for my 40th. 

Moving on, here's the most exciting person in my family right now... EVIE! 
I LOVE being an auntie!


With GG


Just before a sneeze!


Evie and G-ma!


About to get some boob!


Poppa and Evie!


Me and Evie!


Evie!


Evie!


Evie!


Evie!!!

How cute is she?!

Well I gotta go, a bag of chocolate chips is calling my name and calling it loud.
Peace be with you, shiny ones.
<3



-E.







Monday, 26 August 2013

Summer lovin', happened so fast

So DID YA MISS MEEEEE???

I took a summer off of life, in general. Mostly off at least. And it has been just fucking wonderful. I needed it. I didn't bother getting a job (well, I do work two days a week but if EI calls I do fuck all but look for jobs, nope can't find one.)

I went to Clearwater BC with my best friend, we had a good buzz going that whole week of beaching, beach drinking, bbq's, bbq drinking, you get the picture. I tried to upload 1000 instagram pictures of this kind of activity but am having some issue there, so I gave up cause really, it's mostly selfies and shots of John and I with beer in our hands, shots of the beach and us in bathing suits.

The best part of that trip was swimming in a nice lake, can't remember the last time I could do handstands on the bottom of a lake, or even wanted to swim in a lake for that matter. 

The rest of this summer was spent fishing with my boyfriend, yard work, impromptu house parties, part time dog bathing and general waste of skin activities, getting up early to start my day with candy crush saga and then more fuck all.

I am almost ready to get a job.
Almost.

The summer began with some scary shit, my dad Brian had a tumour in his lung. 
Cancer, my worst enemy. I was full of anger and fear, the same fear and uncertainty I had more than two years ago from my own battle with that fucker, cancer. Well my dad is doing amazingly well. He came home from the hospital and healed up and is golfing now. He got lucky and that thing was removed before it could start a little party or get too comfortable. He doesn't need chemo or radiation. We are all very happy about this, and needless to say I am most happy about the no chemo. Chemo is a soul sucking bitch, surgery is just one part of the cancer treatment when there is chemo involved and once you have chemo you would go back to being in a hospital bed fresh out of surgery any day before you go back to those drips, just awful. I didn't want to see my dad suffer chemo only to develop more problems and delay his recovery by months. 

I myself took a whole summer off of doctors and oncology, I almost got to forget about my melanoma completely for the very first time in almost 3 years. 

My mom and aunt and cousin Ella went for a fun girls trip to Banff, where there was sangria and shopping and laughter. We went up the gondola and I nearly pissed my pants on the way up.

My niece came for a visit a few weeks ago, and looking at her I feel a love I have never felt in my life, she is so precious and brings so much love to the family!
I sound like a cheese ball, but I will be cheesy for that little girl and that little girl only, she has my heart. It's hard not being able to see her whenever I want but I will take what I can get!

So this summer I had plenty of time to think. One of the first times I have had this kind of time to think about life, and when you think too much you can develop new pet peeves but also solidify beliefs and change things, work on being a better person.
Yeah I said it, work on being better.
Well describing how I am thinking to become a better person is fucking boring so lets go through a few new pet peeves.

1- Social media "over-sharers".

OK. So I have a blog where I do not censor myself and prehaps over share often but here's the deal: It's not Facebook. I am not posting this info in my status to bomb your newsfeed with TMI. You can make the choice to read my TMI or NOT. If you over share on Facebook  don't take it personally but I hate you. Over sharing includes statuses like "Feeling sad :(" and everyone asks "what's wrong?" and then this person goes to one person "call me."
Shut up. Facebook isn't a pity pond where you can go fishing. Go punch a pillow.

I also don't enjoy people who upload photos one by one, again bombing my newsfeed. All it is when people do that is JUST them and their shitty photos taken from their car or their children in action. Who are you doing this for, because I can't imagine anyone needs to see your kids 300 times a day, no matter how precious they are. Pictures of the new baby all day kind of ruins it for me, thats my harsh opinion but it's what most people actually think, I just say it. I also hate when people just overuse Facebook to where theres a new status every 15 minutes, "Taking a shit!" or "Eating! Yummy! Heres a pic! Jealous?" or anything too personal like screenshots of loving texts with a boyfriend or husband to try and prove to someone (probably yourself) that you still love the guy, or all 800 engagement photos. And we allllll know how much I HATE engagement photos!

So because of this new pet peeve I am limiting my Facebook access. I am just as bad as those over-sharers if I am on it several times a day liking 30 statuses in one shot. Forget it. I didn't delete Facebook, I do use it for my own shameless self promotion myself, but now in a much more controlled way, being more choosy about what I say on there, and not having it on my phone anymore helps accidental over-sharing after a few beers, and prevents me from going on it while I am hanging out with friends. So I feel much more clear headed without everyone else's current events running through my mind all the time. 

That was long.

2- Email.

Yup, somehow email is now a huge pet peeve for me. I had to check email all day at my career with Ruth's Chris and didn't realize how much I hate feeling like I need to look at it 300 times a day only to find 99% of the time a Costco flyer or some spam, an update from iTunes, if you need to get a hold of me just call me. I just hate email now and with all these other ways we get a hold of each other like texts all day, and of course ol' Facebook, where people who would never have a reason to have your phone number message you on there perhaps out of some social media obligation though you may have only met them once or haven't seen or spoken for 10 years. ???

Yeah so you have to FORCE me to check my email now. I check it for school grades and that would be it. As far as I am concerned it is a waste of time otherwise. I just feel email phobic these days, it may be strange but I like life better without email now.

Before I used to email people and never get a response, and it seemed to me that everyone had email and never checked it anyways and THAT was a pet peeve of mine, so forget it I give up. If you know where I live you are welcome to visit, that is if you have my phone number of course. 

3- Neighbours.

There's a simple explanation for this one- my boyfriend lives out of the city. I've been spending tons of time here, and getting quite used to the no neighbours up in your business thing. The rules are totally different out here- if you don't disturb your neighbour half a mile down the road nobody gives one fuck about what you are up to on your own property. If you're bored you can set up beer cans and shoot em, have raging infernos and music as loud as you want past 11pm. 

Not to say I hate my neighbours, just their presence. It kind of sucks to have to say hello to your neighbour every damn time you step out of the house in the summer. The lady to the left of us is crusty old and is always asking you to mow her lawn without a please could you, she said "You mow this lawn?" I think she's italian and didn't bother to learn any manners in English since she got off the boat 50 years ago. Anyways she asked me abruptly while I was sitting outside with hair dye in my hair. Another time she came to the front and waved her arms at me. Now I sound like a horrible old person hating bitch but sorry, do basic manners disappear with old age? She can still garden all day and keeps one old eye on your comings and goings. 

So yeah, I am not so much of a fan of people peering out of the window at you and making your business theirs, kindly fuck off.

I am teetering on the edge of being a country recluse with a house full of cats sitting on a porch with a shotgun. 

Ok that's three, any more will make me look like I just sat around developing pet peeves all summer. Like I said if you can believe it or not there has been positive thinking happening, though I will always develop new pet peeves as I go along in life I also learn how to avoid most of it as well. I really don't have any complaints about life otherwise at the moment, things are sweet and I am turning thirty in 2 days.

All summer people have asked me if it bothers me that I am getting so old as some people actually say, and no, in fact, FUCK NO it doesn't! 
There was a time I feared I wouldn't even see 30. I get to wake up and live a normal life. I don't mind being bored or broke or even having a shitty day. I am alive and that's all that fuckin' matters to me. I smile more and let more things go. I notice I don't look 20 anymore but that's fine. I am happy to turn 30 and look forward to 40. 

Since my birthday will be a serious dirty 30 throwdown white trash party, I won't be having even one beer till next weekend. Then after the hangover I will have I will need a few weeks off the booze completely I am sure. There is no such thing as moderation at one of our parties. 

So I will be a good blogger and post any pictures that happen that night. Like I said, this isn't Facebook, you made the choice to read this.

-E.

Wednesday, 10 July 2013

I'm baaaaack

WOW I've been a terrible blogger!
Almost a month?!
May the internet gods forgive me with this offering of cat pictures, since we all know felines keep people glued to their computers!





That should do.

I almost forget how to type... thank goodness for those info processing courses I was forced to take in high school... 300 words per minute BOOOOYAHHHH!

LET ME BEGIN by updating y'all on my father, he had his surgery on June 25th and so I spent a week dropping in and out of the hospital and let me tell you, my dad is one tough bastard.
I don't even know that he gives himself credit for how tough he really is.
They removed a nodule that was 2.4 mm and the lower lobe of his left lung, plus a few lymph nodes for diagnostic purposes. One of the lymph nodes was attached to an artery, and so he had some serious bleeding which was scary and took them twice as long to get the surgery done. He is doing well now and is out and about walking and everything! Glad and proud of my dad for being so brave. It isn't easy. He's lucky in that his cancer was caught very early- thank goodness for chest x-rays. We don't know yet if they want him to have what they call "adjuvant therapy" which means chemo, but we will know very soon. I am just thankful my dad is ok and that the cancer didn't get to go party all over his body- this is a very good thing.

Here's a little taster of what else is going on in my brain lately.

OMBRE HAIR? 
How much would I be charged to look like I'm trailer trash that can't afford a box of bleach?
No thanks.
Reminds me of Sandra Bullock in the 90's. Just add the unshaven armpits.

RUDE CHILDREN!
Equals bad parenting.
Look, I'm too lazy to raise another human, SO I USE BIRTH CONTROL.
So should have some other lazy folks in this world raising little hellions that are not equipped to be out of the crib by 5th grade, sick.
The other day I'm paying for gas and a little girl who had to be at least 7-8 years old was running around and came to check out some chocolate at the counter WHICH IS FINE but she COUGHED on my hand! Fucking COUGHED on it! So disgusting. 
I wanted to tell her to tell her parents to teach her some manners.
Cover your mouth brat before I slap you from Petro Can to your worst fucking nightmare.

Bad drivers?
So I've been lying to the world... Hex isn't in the city much these days.
Been spending some time with a special dude out in the STYX- HEX IN THE STYX- I like that... but getting out there isn't always pretty.
I get tailgated regularly by gigantic trucks, I get sandwiched between an asshole in a 350 and an Oil tanker going to Fort Mac, it's a little fucking scary. In order to get these tailing fucks out of my hair I like to use techniques such as break checking, speeding up and slowing down, signalling the driver to pass, and finally a middle finger to the real fuckwads who insist on tailing the small car stuck behind the tanker. I need a sticker that says "The closer you get the higher your insurance asshole".

There is of course a bluegrass band consisting of barnyard animals playing constantly in my brain, as well as the old meow mix commercial, all kind of on a loop...

WHAT ELSE?
Ugh this one will be long.

My dermatologist!
FUCK! That guy scares me, a lot. You'd think by now I'd be used to him, but after today, no, I'm not, I'll never be used to his morbid ways.
Examines me with a very serious look, pushed on my surgery site which hurts so bad, and he says this is unusual... what?! You people tried to rip my leg off, yes it hurts and I imagine it always will.
Makes me sick and cringe when he pushes like that.
"Do you have any headaches? Pains? Weird feelings?"
Uhhhhh yeah sure I do...
Anything new? Worsening? Feel different?
FUCK! I don't know, I've been a different person since the day I was diagnosed with this burden. What do you think doctor?
Then he says:
''Well, there isn't any signs that the cancer is back... yet."
So I sit dumbfounded as usual and this time he starts to talk about all the new breakthrough drugs in treating stage 4 melanoma, which is what a reoccurrence would mean for me, end of the line...
As if this is what I really want to hear.
Instead of just nodding like I usually do I decided to ask the questions I never ask.
"So is it very likely that I would have to take a drug like that?"
"Do I have the right gene to take a therapy like that?"
"How could my melanoma show up in a reoccurrence?"
Well Salopek looks at me like I finally accepted the realities of facing cancer that has metastasized.
And maybe that's true, I finally am.
He said what I expected- it is hard to say if it would be likely, I JUST HAVE TO KEEP AN EYE ON MYSELF.
Great answer. I'll keep it up.
The gene issue has to do with the particular strain of melanoma that these breakthrough drugs target- the B-RAF gene, which I wouldn't know if I had it until they actually test me for it for a drug like that.
A reoccurrence?
It could show up as stomach pain, a headache, a cough, pain in the body...
Nice. Good to know. My left big toe has been cramping up, any ideas there doc?
Like I said, should be used to this, but who could get used to this really? What a bunch of garbage. Makes me mad. While other women my age are still acting like 16 year olds, I get to live with this frightening concept that a headache could mean I'm dying. I've been brave and haven't complained much for three years but sometimes I can't be, sometimes this isn't fair, this isn't right. Fuck this whole situation and let me move on with my life, forget it.
I don't get to do that, and it is a source of endless frustration for me. I just want to be a 29 year old that gets to be 29, gets to know her whole life is in front of her. Do I get that? Only in my own head. Glad I can at least keep that alive, otherwise I don't know where I would be.


METALANOMA PATIENT

BAH!

WHAT ELSE?

I have some motivating words!

Shut the fuck up and just go with the flow!

I should take this show on the road.

I'll be back soon.


-E.






Wednesday, 19 June 2013

Wednesday Hexing


I CAN SEE MY FUTURE....

So for about twelve weeks now I have been working out for the first time since cancer treatment. I really let myself go, and it was delicious. Now, people can tell me all day I am not fat, the point is I couldn't fit a single thing in my wardrobe up there, and I was up there alright!

I have so far lost 12-15 pounds- it changes depending on water weight it seems- which is good and I am back in after-cancer jeans I bought but quickly ate myself to large to fit into...

I know I don't get like, obese. I just pack it on for my frame when I do, and it seems my ass needs it's own compartment because there is some serious junk in my trunk, which is great when it's not in the way of fitting pants.

 A couple months ago shopping was very depressing, I ran out of the mall horrified and sped home to have a jog, I decided my year long eat-a-thon was over, and my ass was hitting the pavement.

Gaining 20 pounds in a matter of months was alarming to me and so not like me but I was told it's a little pre-30 birthday present, how lovely.

Don't get me wrong, I am ok with curves and stuff, I don't want to lose all the weight I've gained since melanoma treatment ended, I look back at that time, I was a good 30 pounds under what I am now, and I was too skinny, I don't like it.
 I would much rather have some slopes and valleys than looking like a board with flapjacks nailed to it.

So tonight I broke the rules and lost all self control with this major cupcake craving that controlled me all evening, I found myself putting my shoes on and grabbing my car keys, then slapping myself NO!

It's not Faturday, a Saturday when you can cheat and have candy for breakfast and beer for lunch.

It's not even Fat Tuesday! It's ONLY Wednesday.
Boo.

Well John goes to bed and that cupcake voice is in my head just pounding louder and louder, so I jumped in my car and cruised to Macs, now I feel that same shame I had in the mall that day...

Oh well, 20 extra burpees for me tomorrow I guess.

So now for disappointing news...

TODAY was supposed to be my dad's lung surgery, and guess what IT WAS CANCELLED.

BAHHHHH

Next Tuesday now... so more waiting, not like there hasn't been enough yet.

It's great that we have health care up here but waiting for a bed for surgery is very scary.
I don't think anyone should have to go through the agonizing wait... sounds much easier than it is.
In a way you feel helpless, and you should, because your life is literally in their hands and by their I mean Alberta Health Services.

So now we wait... some more.
I can't say it was very surprising to hear it was cancelled...some would say that makes me a pessimist but I would say it makes me a REALIST! Welcome to Alberta!

IT'S ALL FREE!
TAKE A NUMBER!

Right now I'm having fun in the Governments waiting room myself anticipating my very first EI check EVER!
I know exciting right?!
The EI doesn't mean I'm not working, just sitting on my ass smoking doobies and cracking the books a couple hours a day, I AM working a little.... but shhhh don't tell Uncle Sam...;););)

I figure I might as well take advantage of it for now so I can focus more on school. 
For now.
We will see, I could get bored any minute and look for something else, but why when you can be propped up by funds that are yours, you paid for em, you don't get them when you retire, so why the fuck not I ask?

Don't see any reason yet why it's a bad idea.
Ahhhhhh, we will see how long I can milk that...

I think I've done enough blah blah blahing here for one night, gotta get a dose of tube before I sleep.

Plus I want to eat the rest of that cupcake and then wallow in my shame alone...

-E.